INDIAN MANAGER

Recently I met a typical Indian manager at Bolmor Regional Park for an exclusive interview with him about his life and profession. The following is the script version of that oral interaction.

I: How do you feel to be a manager now with this company?

He: I struggled and suffered a lot as a student for about 20 years to earn a suitable degree to get a job. I lost many comforts in my life during this time. I worked with five different companies before coming here. It means I am investing a lot of expertise, which I gained as a student and employee with other firms, for the development of this company, at considerably pitiable salary and perks. Companies always exploit devoted and talented managers like me. Many requested me to come to their companies after joining this company. They got ready to offer me unbelievable salary and benefits compared to what I am getting here. I have standards. I work with a company for about three years even when better opportunities are there. I want to be a challenger in my field. This is the spirit of my life and profession.

I: Why do you say that you studied for the sake of companies but not for yourself?

He: We need not waste 20 years of our lifetime, as a student, just to know how to live on our own. For many, education is a social and cultural demand but not personal. Since I want a good image in the contemporary society, I got educated, not because I liked it. Companies hire those who have great qualifications and years of experience, thinking that they do wonders for them. So, I studied for the society and cultural demands around me. They believe that one cannot be refined without education.

I: Can I have a look at your educational certificates?

He: I never like to show my certificates to others, even to my wife or children for that matter. I feel depressed whenever I look at my certificates. I lost years of my life studying boring books and pursuing revolting subjects just for those certificates. When I wanted unlimited freedom in my life, those days, the education blocked me from enjoying it. I had to go to schools, colleges and university. I had to compete with others in terms of getting more marks, ranks and position in the society. Thus, my certificates represent the most tragic days in my lifetime. I cannot show such sheets of paper to others just like that. Also, you may feel depressed and melancholic after scanning the marks I scored those days. I had been such a brilliant student at all levels though I never enjoyed that pursuit. When you see my marks and compare them with those of you or others familiar to you, you sense a kind of guilt and remorse because you could not achieve such educational status those days for some reasons. I am sorry to say this.

I: At least, can I see your résumé or CV?

He: Do you think that I don’t know the difference between a résumé and CV. Résumé is a US version of data sheet with concise and precise points of information about us whereas a CV is a UK format of personal bio-data. It’s longer than a résumé and features most of the data of a candidate comprehensively. I have a one-page résumé. I have many credentials, qualifications, references and preferences as a person and professional but I never try to show off them in my résumé. Why should others know about me more than necessary? I feel very personal and possessive about my résumé. I show it to only those, who offer me a job, when I need one. Privacy is very important in my life and profession. If you know where and what I studied and where and how I worked till now, you may develop a kind of psychological attachment with me. You may often think about me in connection with my educational qualifications, progress and achievements. A man is not just his certificates but there is a lot more than that. Why don’t you try to understand me from that perspective? We can value one without certificates also. I want others to be that broad and generous. I don’t know why others often ask me to show my résumé. When they have many responsibilities in their lives, why should they focus that much on my life and affairs? It’s ridiculous.

I: I never thought that a manager like you can be that sensitive about your résumé. I am sorry for disturbing you. Can you tell me a little about where you worked and how it all had been so far?

He: My salary was just 100 rupees when I joined as a trainee sales executive with Zolapat those days. Free Indians were still struggling to forget the sad days of British times. There were many speculations in all about the future of India. During such crucial times of Indian history, I took this job as a challenge. Zolapat was a distributor of sanitary napkins those days. After I joined it, it forayed into many business segments. My responsibility was to go door to door and sell 20 sanitary napkins every day. They would offer me bonus every month if I had exceeded my sales targets. Those were days when girls and women were still using traditional items of personal hygiene to face their monthly period. It was an ordeal for me to knock at any door. They took me as a suspicious species in their premises. They wondered to know that there could be such a product at all meant for their physical hygiene. Starting a conversation with any girl or woman about it became almost impossible for me during those days of extreme orthodoxy and unbelievable privacy but I made it possible. Indian tradition and culture made them so. Some girls felt shy to look at me. Some women closed their doors with a bang as soon as I delivered the first dialogue about the product in my bag. I walked and walked like anything in the sun, rain and breezes to convince them that I was not a criminal to interfere in their bodily affairs but just a facilitator of a progressive change. Demonstration became a big issue for me. They use it there which I don’t have. Many of them would have beaten me black and blue if I used abusive language explaining the use of this product. Can you imagine how it would be to face a woman and talk with her about a product and use of it, which they never wish to happen with their husbands or lovers also? Meanwhile war broke out between India and China. Majority of Indians donated their clothes, valuable ornaments and land documents also for the cause of the nation. During such times, my company increased my sales targets. If I could sell 100 pieces a month, those days, they promised me, they would make me senior sales executive. They would provide me with a used bicycle and cap as perks. You know riding a bicycle and going home to home is somewhat comfortable and bearable in the life of an evolutionary salesperson in India those days, compared to walking miles together every day and night. I took this challenge. I begged many girls and women to buy it to save my life at any cost. I cried, fell on their feet and beseeched their husbands to make or break my life as a salesperson. I could make it somehow. I got a bicycle. I celebrated that status showing it to my parents, siblings, relatives, well-wishers and social activists. They threw a party to celebrate my spirit of success and happiness. Soon I emerged as a trendsetter in my province. I should say those were all golden days. They encouraged me on humanitarian grounds. I always depended on their immeasurable pity and sympathy for my profession and the product in my bag. I spent many sleepless nights recollecting their magnanimity for me. I sobbed continuously for hours. My parents did not know why I was crying so intensely. I could never explain them the nature of my job and the volume of my work. Those were the bonds of those days. They never asked the reason for my pain anywhere but just advised me to cool down and that everything would be alright in near future in India.

I: It’s exciting to know where and how you started your career years ago and what position you reached today out of your perseverance and vision. Why did you leave that company at all?

He: Change is the inevitable facet of human life. It happened in my case in particular. One day our manager followed me in disguise to trace my whereabouts and check my workmanship in person. He wondered after observing that I was thinking and behaving like a shameless beggar and worthless parasite for meeting my targets. He observed many fresh pieces along the road, in dustbins and almost every imaginable place. He understood that they were all buying them out of sympathy for me but not because they felt its need tremendously. He said that we cannot do business if we impress the hearts of our customers through our gimmicks and magic but their brains, applying our logic and common sense. They should feel that they badly need it for their happiness and comfort. I could not do so despite my eight years of association with them. They said that they wanted such sales agents who live with high degree of self-respect, self-confidence and visionary approach but not one with self-pity, self-indulgence and complacency. They told me to leave their company within days after our manager checked my ground level delivery of service. I argued why I had done so but they did not listen to me. I left that job without one in hand. I thought that I could easily get another job considering my talent but it did not happen.

I: You made wonders as a sales agent with that company. Why did you fail to promote yourself and get a job earlier than expected? When you could sell a product of that nature, why not yourself to a company?

He: In about 50 interviews I attended after quitting this job, I failed to explain them what and how I sold to those who never wanted it. I felt uneasy to touch that matter after those unbearable words of humiliation thrown by our manager before asking me to get out of their company. Many pitied my inability to explain what happened but did not dare offer me a job. I struggled and suffered for 20 months in this dilemma but a miracle occurred one evening. I sat under a banyan tree looking up into the sky with a desperate mood and melancholic temperament. One gentleman patted on my back and asked me, ‘What is life?’ I promptly said, ‘Life is a challenge’. He extended, ‘Can you face that challenge?’ I said, ‘Why not…if there is one to throw a challenge on my face’. He liked that spontaneity and creative bent of mind in me. He told me to join his company within two days at any cost. I jumped into air to celebrate that spirit of success again…after many months of desperation and isolation. I took that job without enquiry.

I: What was your portfolio in the new company?

He: He was a pioneer. He ideated that all Indians should use tissue paper for bath and use in their toilets. He presented papers at international seminars advocating this idea. When millions of people, across the world, are suffering without drinking water, how can other privileged ones misuse gallons of water just for bath and natural calls? ‘Tissue – No issue’ was his slogan, motive, ideology and ideal. He found some likeminded enthusiasts to join his path of goals and achievements. He never liked to offer cash to his office staff but essential items like rice, wheat, sugar and edible oil for our bare survival. He demonstrated us how Government of India was spending a lot of money every year just to print currency notes and issue new notes in the place of soiled and torn ones. On our part, we banned use of currency notes, at home and office also. We almost lived on barter system. He appointed me to go home to home and sell those tissue papers. I used to explain people how western world was saving a lot of water using tissue paper in most of their chores and official transactions. Indians did not believe in new concepts and practices those days. They did not take my idea seriously. They often made fun of me looking at my items of sale. I failed in my job responsibilities here. I could not sell many pieces on any day. Even if one or two bought it out of courtesy for me, they threw them in gutters as soon as I had left their abodes. I left this company within a year. He gave me some items of domestic consumption as a farewell gift. His idea was that I should be able to live comfortably for some months even if I did not get a suitable job. He was such philanthropist. Later, after some months, I heard that he permanently migrated to Nigeria. 

I: What happened after leaving this job voluntarily for various reasons?

He:  I realized that I lacked professional skills required for my profession. I joined an institute titled ‘Lock Lacunae’ in Gorena Lomu for a six-month certificate course in marketing techniques. Its founder chairman Jomba Atchiyas was an internationally renowned book author and marketing guru those days. He chose lottery system to select suitable candidates for training in his reputed institute. He believed that many things happen just by chance in this world. So, he wanted to give a chance to many underprivileged ones also just like that. If something is free, majority Indians run for it. Thousands of Indians and other nationals used to apply to his institute for that six-month long professional training. He filtered them through this unbiased selection system. He would conduct two classes a day. He allows 20 candidates only to sit in each of his classes. I was one of those lucky ones to be educated here under such wizard. He was an honorary chairman of International Society of Hypocrites those days. The UNO requested him to join them but he softly refused that offer. He believed that cheating 10 fraudsters is never wrong if we do it to help and save the lives of 100 deprived and impoverished people in any part of this world. This is how he wanted to bring a positive change in others slowly. So, he taught us how to cheat our customers always. Many media staff struggled to interview him but he never gave that chance to them.

I: What did he teach you in his classrooms for these six months?

He: You are wrong if you imagine that there was a classroom at all. He thought that human beings learn many lessons observing what’s happening around them rather than sitting comfortably in a classroom environment. He took us to different spots of public interaction and showed us how cheating became an inevitable part of human life. A milkman says that his milk is pure but he does not sell milk without adding water in it. A doctor says that one’s surgery or treatment may be successful but patients die soon after those surgeries and treatments in many cases. An architect says that a building lasts for 100 years if we build one based on his plan and suggestions. He or we do not live for 100 years. So, we cannot check it personally and sue this architect. A mother tells many lies to her little children while feeding them or lulling them to sleep. Local, state and central governments tell any number of lies during elections just to woo the voters and get political authority for their parties. Where is truth in these scenarios? Everybody is a hypocrite to the core. We tell lies just to get things done. Then, what’s wrong if a salesman tells lies to sell or promote his product or service. Cheating and lying are integral parts of human life. Some do it for a good cause and some do it out of their selfishness. Every salesperson has to sell a fixed number of items to customers to retain his job with any employer. In this process, he has to lie to customers to get sales. Truths are bitter. People cannot digest them immediately. We studied different case studies as part of this course to know how many companies achieved international reputation just through cheating customers. By the time I came out of this institute, I completely changed my attitude, character and orientation of life. I developed a slogan for following in my life or career, ‘Lie to Live’. Thereafter I practised intensely how I could use a variety of lies to attract customers of any nature and financial ability. The biggest turning point in my life was joining this institute. They taught me the skills of manipulation, duplication and pretension. I daily practised, looking into a mirror, in our house. When we tell beautiful or unbelievable lies to customers, our facial expressions and gestures may be quite opposite to what we are saying because our conscience dictates their behaviour. I practised to be balanced. He should feel that what we are saying is absolutely right. Convincing others and making them buy something from us is very difficult in orthodox countries like India. They have developed certain notions and beliefs for many years. They take years to come out of those superstitions or dogmas. As a salesperson, we have a few seconds or minutes only at our disposal to explain about our product or service to our target customer. We should entice him through beautiful and exciting lies during that little time. Very few mind if he or she loses 10 or 100 rupees because of buying a product. What if we cheat 100 gentlemen of this nature every day and make a lot of money from this venture? What they take easy is a source of daily profit for us. To test my abilities and self-confidence on my own, I worked as a freelancer for about two years. I collected thrown away incense stick packs from some garbage deposit points for my venture. I would spray a little scent on one stick in each packet. When a customer wants to smell it, I take that piece only. He would be satisfied smelling the perfume of that stick. All other sticks are useless. After knowing about my cheating, they certainly search for me to thrash me publicly. So, I sold about 100 packs each day in a region and avoided going that side afterwards. I earned a lot of money this way. I believed strongly that I could cheat Indians publicly. When I felt confident that I had competent qualifications and professional skills, I chose to join a company. If we work as a freelancer, we have to seek customers and get work from them. If we join a company of good standards, we can spend most of our time without doing anything useful to the company. As I told you earlier, cheating is never wrong when there are 90 cheaters around us in a society or nation. We should know how to cheat our company also. I joined Mesai Biyohi as an assistant sales manager. My responsibility was to send emails to a variety of customers and collecting their feedback about many products available in market. We would sell this data of market research to other companies and entrepreneurs. We should know what, when, why and how customers want something. Our CEO Boko Chita pursued many marketing courses abroad but never showed her certificates to others. She married a Japanese guy when studying in Australia. He was a billionaire. He moved to India forever after marrying this marvellous beauty. In fact, they started this company to satisfy their false prestige. If there are some subordinates in our premises, and if they wish us saying good morning and good afternoon quite often, we feel elevated and rejuvenated. What if nobody looks or cares for us naturally? We should create such environment on our own. That was exactly what Boko Chita did. I would often go to her room and discuss something unnecessary. She particularly instructed me to do so. She believed that if we discuss unnecessary things first, we come to know what is necessary for us or others. Time passing attitude is a basic instinct in human beings. So, why should we discuss important things only always? If we give an employee eight hours’ time to do a work of one hour, he may become creative or self-destructive. How one uses one’s free time is not in our control but in their control. When we cannot control the behavior of others much through our measures or timelines, it is better not to try to control anybody. Humanity struggles for liberty, equality and fraternity in any part of the world in all ages. Why should we bother our employees without allowing them to feel and celebrate these virtues in their professional lives also? These were her thoughts about employees and organizational culture. I had no targets at all in this job. She never questioned me about anything. She always used to tell me, “Do what you can do. Never do what you cannot do”. Her philosophy of life thrilled and inspired me. I got a photo of hers framed and kept in my abode. I worshipped her every morning and night like anything. One day I asked her to be my lifelong honorary mentor. She agreed without hesitation and contemplation. After a few days, she called me into her cabin and said, ‘How long can you see the same faces and workplace here? Change must be there. Look for another job. You need not come here from tomorrow. I pay you until you inform me that you got a job. Life is to enjoy but not just to sit in an office and do something to satisfy somebody.’ Many Indians may not believe me if I say that I did work under such a benevolent boss for some months. She closed that company within a year after I quit it and migrated to Monaco forever. She was a goddess.

I: It was a sinecure for you. Very few Indians are fortunate enough to get such jobs these days.

He: I know that sinecure means a position where work is very less but payment is very high. Most of the government jobs in India fall under this category. They come late to office. They start working around 11:00. They go for tea and lunch breaks. They chat with their colleagues. They work for two hours honestly at the maximum. This is why we developed such impression about nasty government employees in India. I never tried to get a government job for this reason. I cannot tolerate if somebody or an entire society blames me for a phenomenon for which I am not responsible. When most of our MLAs, MPs and ministers are enjoying sinecures at their levels, how can they expect the bureaucracy under their supervision to work hard and do wonders? This is how India degraded in terms of standards and values over the years. I pity to live in such India, where indiscipline, corruption, disorders and demerits are pervasive. Corrective measures are nominal. Positive results are minimal. Proactive thinking is nil.  

I: How long did you take to get a job after quitting that Japanese venture?

He: She would credit about 30,000 rupees to my bank account every month until I got a job. This privilege made me brave and careless to a great extent. This Japanese venture spent a lot of money for its publicity. Many believed that if somebody got a job with it, he or she was a genius in marketing arena. I focused on this point. Many start-up entrepreneurs called me up and offered unbelievable packages of benefits but I softly refused them. I wanted to enjoy myself. I wanted to take my own time to decide what I should do and how I should guide my vulnerable career. It was a stage of transition in my career.

I: Indeed very few bosses take such welfare measures even for their ex-employees. You were lucky.

He: Thank you for your empathy, visualization and appreciation. I spent almost two years depending on the magnanimity of Boko Chita. That was the time when my parents were searching for a suitable bride for me in the open market through their familiar sources of information and confirmation. Those were the days when orthodox Indian girls were slowly getting accustomed to the idea of getting married to an Indian with a job. I decided to join some exciting job just to satisfy the parents of a girl. I chose one from many available. I joined Quinol Jesida, an organic pesticides company, with a foreign collaboration. Jamu Abaho of South Africa invested about 100 crore rupees in this start-up venture just to express his sense of devotion to the idea of organic farming across India. An Indian graduate utilized this opportunity to start and run it in India in his name. They made pesticides from products of nature to save environment and educate Indian farmers. About 25 field staff worked under my direct supervision in this company. They would meet peasant farmers and explain them how and why they should resort to methods of organic farming. I told them very little in their weekly meetings with me, “Do what you can do. Don’t do what you cannot do”. I never believed that one learns if we tell one to learn something. Learning should happen intuitively. If somebody is not learning something, it means there is no need of learning anything. If somebody is learning something, it means he or she is unable to survive without learning. Environment in a society or company should make learning an ongoing process. Those that learn continuously must be identified and encouraged and those that never learn anything must be sent out. When there are no punishments to lazy idiots and complacent rogues in an industry, discipline cannot be established. So, I talked less with my staff and expected much from them. I believed they would excel if given more freedom and opportunity to learn and grow. I don’t know what they learned or did, our sales increased tremendously within months. All this credit goes to those few field staff but I never allowed them to feel that joy and sense of fulfilment. I presented it as my achievement to my bosses regularly.

I: Didn't you think that it was unfair on your part to take the credit of your field staff?

He: By this time, I became a hard-core Indian manager. A manager is one who manages subordinates under his guidance. He should be able to manipulate the system in his control. He should get the best from the privileges he has in a company. If I talked for one minute with my subordinates, I talked for minutes and hours with my bosses. I knew how to impress them. I earned a great reputation in their hearts. Communicative and lobbying skills play a key role in the development of careers of managers in India. Our boss may wear a weird suit but we should appreciate it gently. He may not know English at all. We should never ask him to improve his English. He should be in a fool’s paradise. If we talk in English, with a boss who is not good at it, he feels jealous of us and feels respect for us. If we teach him English, he neglects us later. This is how a typical manager should think. We should continue in a company exploiting the loopholes, drawbacks and demerits of staff and resources there. I became a master of art in these skill sets during these few years. Cheating is a way of life in India. I started growing like this.

I: We talk about ethics, standards and policies in India on stages. How can you talk like this?

He: Every policy introduced by Government of India is in favour of cheats and criminals. There are unscrupulous lawyers who argue cases on behalf of notorious criminals also, just to earn a great deal of money fast. There are police who treat a helpless woman like a prostitute if she appears walking alone midnight somewhere. There are politicians who sleep with girls and women regularly. They buy them or threaten them. There are businessmen who make and sell anything just to make a lot of money. They have no concern for the health and welfare of the people in India. They want money. They want more profits every year. This is how India is transforming into a developed nation now. A mighty man is permitted to loot a weak and helpless Indian in any way possible and imaginable. When 95% of Indians, and those ruling them at every level, are living comfortably and happily, cheating and threatening others every day and night, why should I bother about standards and ethics as a manager? What positive change can I bring in this highly polluted and corrupt nation, changing at my level? To be happy and successful here, we must know how to cheat others. I learned it through experience and practice. I am growing rapidly in my career when I am able to cheat my bosses and customers. I die within days if I am not selfish. Narrow-mindedness and partiality are imposing traits of majority of Indians. I am one of such Indians. I am following such trend and culture, which are there in every place across India. How many Indians are discussing Mahatma Gandhi now in their casual chats? How many Indians are talking about our freedom fighters now? How many Indians are paying taxes honestly to governments? How many Indians believe that their local, state and central governments plan and work for their welfare without bias? There is no mutual trust now among Indians. I cheat you one way. You cheat me another way. Our governments have standardized such culture and tradition in this country years ago. Can I change our rulers? Can I change our bureaucracy? When I cannot change others to my expectations, I have to change according to the contemporary trends. Cheating is an accepted and appreciated standard now in India. People have accepted those politicians, who misappropriated millions of rupees, in different scams. Governments are not hanging or shooting criminals or fraudsters publicly because they only authorized them to live so going against law and order. If I were the chief minister of a state, all the cases against me get cancelled within a day. Public prosecutors would be ordered not to argue the case on behalf of government. Courts of law are corrupt here. Temples are made into business units here. Among these many idiots, scoundrels, rogues and criminals, how can I live and grow as a gentleman? Honesty is the worst policy here. I want to become more corrupt and dishonest hereafter. I misguide others and misuse resources tremendously.

I: Every organization has a system of evaluation of the worth of their staff. Bonus, increments and subsidies are some of them meant for identifying and encouraging hard-working employees. In this typical environment of yardsticks of periodical performance appraisal, how can you escape the tests?

He: I believe that in very few companies, across the world, an employee’s skills, standards and values are identified and appreciated beyond the consideration of community, religion, language, region, race and class. Man is basically selfish and narrow-minded. Superiors in various departments and blocks almost never assess the worth of their subordinates honestly, fairly and impartially. Who are close to influential staff in a company or organization get better remuneration and facilities than those who work hard and honestly but fail to impress their superiors artificially and strategically. Thus, many talented and sincere employees and workers don’t get the treatment they deserve from an employer. Further, no company can assess the worth or worthlessness of an employee or worker 100% accurately based on some criteria scheduled by HR experts in different industries. We should personally check every aspect of personal and professional life of an employee or worker to assess him or her perfectly every year but it’s not practically possible. We evaluate others, based on some assumptions, which we develop based on our nominal or casual interaction or familiarity with them. It means performance appraisals occur in favour of those, who act smart roles regularly in a workplace. Smartness means impressing those, who can bring a dramatic positive change in our lives or professions, if they are empathetic or sympathetic towards us, for some logical or illogical reasons. I am an expert in this domain. I work hard for one hour if a superior in my company is observing me directly or indirectly, just to impress him, not because I like working hard. Then, I sit idly or keep moving here and there, without doing anything useful to my employer, when none of my direct or indirect superiors are there around me. I am a hard-core hypocrite. I get more salary, benefits and privileges impressing the right people and neglecting the unrelated ones. I don’t care about those, who cannot bring a benefit or happiness into my life or profession. If I give 100 rupees to one today just like that, it means I benefit 1,000 rupees from him soon. That’s my strategy. Manipulation is my policy to deal with people at home or office. I work two hours seriously every day but make others believe that I am working 10 hours hard for the sake of my employer. Every day of work is an opportunity for me to celebrate but not to bother myself doing hard work like a foolish donkey. I delegate most of my work to all the subordinates in my department. If there is a work to be done by those beyond my department, I praise them immensely and get things done. I grow continuously exploiting the hard work and intelligence of others. Wisdom is in utilizing others but not in being used by others.

I: If there are intelligent and hard-working subordinates in your department, how do you handle them? They may feel demotivated if you do not encourage and appreciate them time to time.

He: An intelligent manager should discourage and demotivate his subordinates continuously. Then only they feel inferior to him and accept and appreciate his commands. If a subordinate in my department prepares an extraordinary report on a topic assigned by me, I either do not go through it or find out mistakes in it. I prove that it is a worthless or ordinary work though I internally feel that it is a superb work of creativity and intelligence. My subordinates should never feel like achievers and challengers in their fields of work. If they feel so, they develop self-esteem and ego. They block the growth in my career because they don’t consider me great when they feel that I don’t know many things which they know or can do efficiently. I don’t smile at them. I keep an angry face the moment they come to see me on some occasion. I make them believe that I have authority on them. If I have no talent, I should at least act as one that has extraordinary talent. Our acting skills impress others deeper than our honesty and toil.

I: Based on what criteria did you choose your wife?

He: For me, a wife is an agent of servitude and loyalty. Since she wants somebody to look after her, she married me, not because she wanted to serve me or sacrifice many things for me. If I do great jobs and earn a lot of money, she spends that money to make her life more comfortable and happy. If I remain jobless for a few months or years, her treatment changes towards me. It means they love my social image and money more than my individuality and sensitivity. Why should husbands feel very loyal and kind towards their wives in this scenario? It is just a kind of business relationship. I want her company to fulfil my physical and psychological needs. I don’t marry one who is unfit for joys of flesh and familial life. I have many expectations from her. She too has many expectations from me. When two are struggling and suffering to meet the expectations of the other, continuously, to keep their bond strong, it would be a commercial relationship. Marriage is a business deal. It is a bond of mutual dependence and expected delivery of services. So, I chose such girl to be my wife, who can serve me a lot, without expecting much from me. If she is more intelligent and richer than me, she does not find my association interesting and exciting. I married a poor and innocent girl for this reason. I don’t allow her much to mingle with others in our familiar or unfamiliar societies. If she knows what is happening around, she may get rid of her innocence and start questioning me rationally about anything I do based on my choice. I should be a master of instructions in my home but not a slave, who follows the commands of the other.

I: Do you have children? How do you treat them?  

He: I begot a son just to satisfy my parents, contemporary society and my wife in particular. No parent ever enjoys his or her life because of their children. They are a lifelong burden on our lives. We lose privacy and intimacy as parents once they enter our lives. We get almost nothing from them even if we struggle and suffer for their happiness and development throughout our lives. They are opportunists. They remain with us until they reach a stage of financial independence. Then they treat us as dustbins. What’s use in begetting many children and suffering to look after them as long as we are alive. Our duties towards our children end when we die. They suck us like cruel leeches, asking for this or that, regularly. Why should I victimize myself in this net of obligations and familial bonds. I spend a little money for his career. I get him married as soon as he finds a job. Children are a formality for me but not reality or responsibility. They are like shadows. We feel that we get something from them sometime but our shadow can never help us when we are sick or helpless. I act love and affection towards my son always but actually I feel that he is a villain to spoil the beauty and freedom of my life and career. If I develop a deep bond with him now, I suffer immensely in near future, when he stops caring for me. I believe that we are all just role players here. If I die, where do I go? Do they die for me? Human relationships and sentiments are almost need-based. Very few practice unconditional love nowadays. They like or dislike somebody or something based on how he, she or it is useful or useless to them now or later.

I: What do you do for career growth while working with a firm or company or organization?

He: I pretend love and respect towards important staff in a company as long as I am there. I don’t develop sincere affection or loyalty towards anybody anywhere. No job is permanent. In other words, I never like to work with any company for more than two or three years. If we see God every day, we don’t feel devotion and respect towards Him. We are visiting His temples and praising His virtues because He is inaccessible and invisible to us. When we are in imaginations, illusions and fantasies about somebody or something, we love him or it more than necessary. Somehow Indians don’t like appreciating anybody who is accessible to them and which is affordable to them. They like novelty. They get bored of my presence and professionalism if I remain with one company for long. Further, we can act smart roles before others for a period of time only. Slowly others identify that I am a worthless idiot. Before they ask me to go out, I make a move on my own. We should work with a company as long as they have no time or interest to probe into our abilities and deliverables as an employee or worker. Once they feel that we are unfit to meet their expectations, they cannot enjoy our association with them. They look down upon us even if we come across them occasionally. I want recognition and appreciation where I work but I want to get them without working hard. A fool struggles and suffers a lot every day and night to earn good reputation in a company or society. A strategist gets such reputation, impressing others, not working hard. We should change companies fast when we are young and energetic. Better salary, perks and facilities are my primary criterion to move from one company to another but not an opportunity to learn something, practice it well and prove my abilities effectively. Learning means a challenge. It’s a struggle to move from darkness to light, getting rid of our drawbacks and demerits as persons and professionals. It is a difficult exercise and journey altogether. Instead of working hard at an intelligent and disciplined boss for years, it is good to work with many foolish and stupid bosses in a short period of time. An undisciplined idiot does not expect standards or values from his subordinates. Many entrepreneurs do not make much money because of their intelligence and strategy but because of God’s will and opportunities at hand. A magnanimous scientist may invent an extraordinary product to bring tremendous positive change in the lives of humanity but people take years to believe in his invention and use it for their benefit. A prostitute can impress them within seconds. In India, being good is for self-satisfaction but not to change others. Good ones are not being recognized and appreciated in India now. I do what is convenient and beneficial to me always but not what is essential and useful to others. I don’t seek pleasure from the joys of others but in my personal and professional growth achieved due to their innocence, ignorance, helplessness and goodness. I change according to occasions and situations. I don’t have an individuality of my own. I am a parasite. There should be somebody or something to bear my burden. I am a chameleon. I know how to change my colours according to the situation around. I act smart. I victimize others wisely.

I: What is your take on the present jobs in India and entrepreneurs offering them widely?

He: It is a market of opportunities for those with money to invest and those that wish to work somewhere like a machine and thus make a living. Demand and supply decide one’s value here. An ideal entrepreneur can become a pauper within months, if he runs his business based on standards and values. A selfish and manipulative businessman can become a billionaire within a few years exploiting the loopholes in the policies of governments and foolishness and helplessness of vast human resources. If an employee dies in a reputed public or private company in India, he may get lakhs of rupees. If a beggar or prostitute dies somewhere, nobody cares for them. Both are valuable citizens of India but their value is changing according to where they lived and how they died. If a poor man travels without a ticket in a train, a TTE fines him, without thinking about his poverty and plight. If a few passengers die in a train accident, the government pays lakhs of rupees as compensation to them. Why should there be such difference of treatment between one and another when both are citizens of India? There is a strong reason for everything we do consciously as civilized human beings. How many are interested to check realities around us and solve them at that level? We are living in a world of uncertainties and apprehensions. We may get or lose anything at any time in this dangerous and unreliable world. Job market is no exception to this. Strategic and manipulative employees like me benefit much from this job market than sensitive and ideal ones. How much we earned and how fast are important here but not the means we followed for it.

INTERVIEW

Interview is a formal procedure and process meant for selecting a few suitable ones for a job or position. One attending an interview expects some features and qualities in the firm, company, organization or a workplace, which one wishes to enter for one’s livelihood or better opportunity than one has now. The employer or the one offering a source of livelihood or career growth to the one being interviewed also expects suitable qualifications, multiple skills and considerable experience from the candidate. It’s mostly a business deal rather than a personal affair. Both think from the perspective of ‘benefit’. Employer thinks, “What can he/she give to me as an employer in the short or long run?” Employee thinks, “What more do I get from this firm, better than similar ones and how can I build up my career through my short or long term association with this enterprise?” Both try to impress the other in an interview. The employer should impress the candidate explaining how he or she can be happy working in their unit. The employee should promote himself or herself substantially to impress the interviewer and get selected for the vacancy. Interview is an interesting act for the one conducting it but a difficult and testing one for those attending it. Asking any question randomly or specifically is easier than being ready with an exact answer or explanation for a question asked from the other end.

Generally an interviewer is a skilled and experienced one in a field of knowledge or work. He/she must be in a state of mind and body whereby he/she can impress the interviewee with intelligent and relevant questions, coupled with imposing personality of high degree of demeanour. Many times an interviewee feels tense and subdued in a place of interview due to the physical appearance, designation and status of the interviewer/s, ambience of the venue, nature and volume of questions posed, unfamiliarity with place and employees working there now and the need of that job in his or her life right now.

Generally interviews are conducted through the following ways:

a. Face-to-face interaction

b. Telephonic conversation

c. Web interface

HR staff of a firm or organization selects candidates for interviews in the following ways:

a. Search through online job portals

b. Print ads in dailies, weeklies or other periodicals

c. Ads on television channels

d. Public and private consultancies

e. Reference through present or old employees

f. Going to educational institutions and training institutes

g. Recommendations through internal and external agents of power and authority

h. Dependents of victims of mishaps in their companies or organizations

i. Commands by courts of law; central, state or local governments

I attended some interviews till now with different employers. I take the idea and practice of interview to select a candidate for a vacancy highly unreliable and ridiculous for the following reasons.

1. The HR folks consider qualifications of a candidate very important to call him/her for an interview. They should have suitable qualifications like B.Sc. M.Sc. M.Com and so on. How can we believe that one with a qualification certainly can handle a set of job responsibilities? I take my example. I did my M.A. English course in the University of Hyderabad. This is a famous university in India now for some reasons. There is no certainty that only highly intelligent and competent students always enter a university. Often worthless idiots may also get admission into prestigious educational institutions like IITs and IIMs also. I am very poor at English literature because I surveyed it nominally during these two academic years at the University of Hyderabad. I did not pursue those subjects before this course nor practiced it much after coming out of this university. Then, they did not teach me English grammar here either. It means I learnt very little from this university expect formal perusal of some books of literature and taking some periodical exams for the sake of marks and certificate. I entered this university out of my interest for English language but not because I had adequate knowledge of English literature. Because the certificate issued by such university has worth in the job market, I would have chosen this university rather than because I liked English language or literature deeply. My intention was to benefit from the fame of the university and certificate from this place rather than learning and improving myself substantially in English language and literature through what I studied and did there for two years. It means I thought as a customer but not as a passionate lover of English. If English was my passion and if I had adequate command of this subject, I would have studied in any university or postgraduate college. I tried to hide my inabilities through getting a certificate from this noted university. When my very intention in pursuing this course was false, how can anybody expect that I learnt a great deal when I was there and that it would benefit any organization that is going to recruit me depending on my fame as a student from a prestigious university? There are some more complicated points of concern as far as certificates are concerned. The richness of marks found on certificate may not match the abilities of its owner.   

a. Student remembers a subject much when he/she is studying it with the purpose of taking the related exams. Even then he/she is studying it for scoring marks and getting certificate but not out of passion for it. Such knowledge, which he/she gains for exams, does not last longer in him/her. In other words, when he/she leaves the campus, he/she forgets almost everything he/she practiced or learnt there.

b. Reservations enable many to enter prestigious educational institutions also without much difficulty. They don’t learn before joining them or after joining them. How can we assess the worth of a candidate of this order, scanning his or her certificate? Reservations are thus a permanent blot on our certificates.

c. In many universities and other educational institutions, there are biased teaching staff, who give more marks to the creatures of their gender, community, language, region, religion and race than others. We can’t identify these loopholes and drawbacks of educational institutions just looking at their certificates.

d. The concerning student might have been sick or unable to do the exam well. He would have gotten fewer marks because of such physical or mental disabilities during that crucial time. He did/could not take that exam again to improve his/her marks. How can we consider him/her poor at a subject just because he got less marks than others, due to circumstances as these.

e. Evaluation of examination papers is generally carried out by subject experts. When a country, like India, is highly corrupt and is with many drawbacks and demerits in terms of its educational system and culture also, how can we believe that a qualified and experienced teacher only evaluated an answer paper of a student? In this scenario, a dull student gets more marks and an intelligent student might get low marks. In India, now, many incompetent teachers are evaluating the answer sheets of students of many educational courses. Thus, marks shown on a certificate do not actually represent his/her actual intelligence or competence in that subject. After leaving that educational institution, he/she might have improved his/her subject knowledge or he/she might have degraded himself/herself from a good state of knowledge and skills. As such, a certificate fails to symbolize the true caliber and skills of a candidate.

f. Certificates can be manipulated in many ways. There are many fake educational institutions across the world, which sell certificates of any course, to anybody, collecting an amount of money from them. How many companies and organizations in India or other countries have ability to trace the truth behind the certificates they come across. They blindly value somebody based on the certificates they see.

g. One may lose one’s certificates in an accident, incident or natural calamity. If he/she is unable to produce his/her original certificates in an interview, he/she may not get a job. We are not valuing individuals, standing before us, with a desperate need to find employment for their survival, but certificates, created somewhere, by somebody. Is it a fair thing to be followed by our employers?   

h. Some study abroad. We don’t know how one studied there and how they gave marks to one. There may be wide difference between what we think to be extraordinary in India and what others think in other nations. Did they focus much on theory or practice? How much importance do they give to communication skills? What are the standards of educational institutions, governments and teaching faculty there? Could they get more marks over there bribing the staff or doing something else?

2. Many HR folks and members of management of an organization accord more value to the work experience of a candidate than other parameters. If he/she states on his/her certificates that he/she worked at so and so companies or organizations for different periods of time, handling a varieties of job responsibilities, they feel impressed. Experience does play a key role in a candidate getting a job. There are some drawbacks and demerits even in valuing a candidate highly or less based on his/her experience.

a. There is no certainty that one with years of experience with different firms and companies would be excellent as a professional in his/her field of job responsibilities. We find many without basic knowledge also about his/her subject or considerable communicative skills in English despite years of experience. I know many high designation employees, in different companies, who cannot write a paragraph also without errors in English/their mother tongue. Their communicative and presentation skills are pathetic.

b. There are gems, who work wonders, coming out from educational institutions, recently. They don’t have experience but think intelligently and work extraordinarily. Most of the companies in India offer nominal salaries and perks to freshers compared to experienced ones. This is, indirectly, humiliating the enthusiastic age and challenging intelligence of a candidate. They don’t feel encouraged to join companies in this bleak scenario. In many organizations, seniors, who have years of experience, cannot compete with juniors, in terms of knowledge and work. Intelligent and hard-working juniors feel insulted and disturbed to work as subordinates with such shallow and worthless superiors. We cannot consider one great just because one has years of experience but this is how managements of companies treat employees in India. We can observe this retrograde culture in public and private firms everywhere.

3. HR folks of firms recruit many candidates based on internal or external references also. If I have a good image in a firm I am working with, if there are some job vacancies, I may encourage my familiar folks to apply for those jobs. They write my name in their job application in the column of reference.

a. I cannot vouch for the character of a candidate I am referring to a company because it may change at any time due to internal or external factors. A company recruiting a candidate based on my reference and expecting me to be answerable if he/she does anything wrong in future is absolutely illogical. I am just a facilitator. I am communicating to him/her just that there is a job vacancy. HR staff should take every possible measure to regulate his/her character while in the campus of their company. They can promote him/her or sack him/her at any time based on his/her merits or demerits as an employee with them. My role, in this scenario, is just that of a facilitator. I bring an employer and an employee closer.

b. Influential local and national politicians, businessmen, members of managements of organizations and some other kinds of folks may also recommend a candidate for a job with a company they know or on which they have a kind of authority directly or indirectly. Often HR staff feel disturbed to recruit an unworthy candidate to a job based on the recommendations of those with authority. On one hand, the management instructs them to select highly qualified and talented candidates only for many key jobs and on the other hand, they recommend worthless candidates to some jobs in their organization. It is not fair. Every organization must establish and follow some standards strictly. Our volatile moods and attitudes should not compel our HR staff to recruit somebody, against our norms and policies. In India, we find this bad culture. On stage, they talk a lot about standards and values but they don’t follow them.

4. The very interview procedure and process looks disgusting to me many times. Those, interviewing a candidate, should check whether he/she has the required skills or not. They may conduct a test to find it out but is it happening simply in many organizations in India now? Interviews turned lengthy and chaotic.

a. I heard that the folks of Google conduct many rounds of interview to finalize a candidate for a position with their organization. I disliked and avoided attending interviews of organizations like this just because of this factor. I have self-respect. They can test my skills as an editor or writer but not as an actor. If they are expecting me to be good at many aspects as an employee, they are actually expecting me to be a hypocrite. I may not know how to walk into an interview room; how to dress myself; how to present myself to the folks of interview and many such other qualities, which recruiting firms expect randomly from many employees. I might not have exposure to such culture. I would not have been trained in those aspects of job interviews, for many reasons, which were beyond my control. Does it mean that I cannot be a good editor or writer in their workplace? I can learn culture fast from others in a company if there is one at all, which applies to all equally at all times, irrespective of designations. It is not a big issue. Imitation is a common human quality. Unfortunately many HR idiots and rogues avoid recruiting gems into their companies just because some candidates don’t act too much before them. A gem does not like to meet an interviewer for a number of days undergoing a series of steps of interview. If organizational and recruitment culture in a nation is making even gems into helpless beggars, who have to attend a series of interview stages, to get a job, then it is the problem with the fundamental culture of that organization or nation. A competent and sensitive interviewer must be able to conduct interview within a day, at the most. I liked to join such firms only. Just because I am not working with Google or Microsoft, you cannot think that I don’t have such competencies. In fact, I am avoiding such companies because I have self-respect as an employee and individual. I don’t like to go to the office of any company even the second day for any stage of interview. One day is all that I can afford. I did it so far. I follow this self-imposed culture even in future. From this perspective, I am greater than Google and Microsoft because I am not yielding to their irrational and illogical norms of interview. I need not get fame being associated with any company in India. I have fame of my own. This is how some think about jobs and companies in India. They don’t go to companies, like shameless beggars, asking for a job. They maintain self-esteem and standards even on their deathbed. If you think that extraordinary folks are working with internationally famous companies across the world, you are wrong. Gems do not act to attract anybody. All those working with prestigious firms internationally are not gems but professionals. They do anything to get and retain their favorite job. They sacrifice their self-respect and individuality in the process of getting a job with a noted company because they have no worth of their own. They want to promote themselves in the job market and familiar society, attaching their names with those famous organizations. I know many of this kind. They show off before ignorant ones. Gems don’t show off. They are simple and humble creatures. HR folks cannot interview gems because they don’t have such capabilities.

b. I believe that 80% of HR staff, who expect standards and values from others, don’t have or follow them at their level in many companies and organizations in India. Many Indian companies are unable to attract gems and retain them because idiots and rogues are there in their HR departments. I saw such worthless blokes in every company I worked with till now. They don’t have command of their HR policies and procedures. They don’t have effective communicative skills. They don’t have sensitivity and goodness as human beings. They don’t have knowledge and skills required to interview a candidate.

Insights   

1. Interview is a kind of gambling. We can never assess the worth of a candidate through interview.

2. Really talented professional never expects a candidate to attend multiple rounds of interview.

3. Ninety percent of HR departments in India are known for dishonesty, corruption and hypocrisy.

4. All Indian companies are functioning here based on corruption, malpractices and violation of laws.

5. In India, nobody is perfect as a person or professional. Companies follow the same culture.

6. In India, talented ones with self-respect cannot get great jobs but idiots with multiple acting skills.

7. Indian recruitment agencies and companies train candidates how to be immoral and illogical.

8. Indian HR departments don’t have humanity and virtues but fake professionalism and show culture.

9. Much of attrition rate in India can be attributed to cruelty and worthlessness of HR departments.

10. Indian companies do not run based on standards but change/violate them whenever needed.

11. Most of the agreements made between companies and employees in India are illegal and immoral.

12. No Indian company ever follows labor laws completely. They violate them. Nobody questions them.

13. Unions are the biggest threat to Indian economy. They work 30% but expect 100% from employers.

14. People near isolated industrial units torture those managements. They demand money very often.

15. Indians are experts in preparing and submitting fake study and experience certificates to others.

16. 95% of employees fear an interview because they don’t know what acting skills the other expects!

17. The managements of Indian companies don’t like gems but shameless, loyal and foolish employees.

18. One cannot work in any Indian company if one wants to follow 100% self-respect as an employee.

19. Indian companies don’t encourage creativity and innovation in employees but blind imitation.

20. 80% of Indian companies want to produce products of high ‘margin’ but not high ‘value’.

21. If one dies in a reputed Indian company, while working, gets lakhs; if outside, almost nothing.

22. Indian companies like fake certificates more than the talent and individuality of a candidate.

23. Indian companies consider years of experience valuable than genius of a fresh candidate.

24. In Indian companies, employee appraisal policies and procedures are volatile and unreliable.

25. Nobody can run a unit of employment in India without offering bribe to somebody somewhere.

26. 90% Indian employees work wonders if employers trust them and offer them more freedom.

27. 80% superiors in Indian companies grow in their careers, presenting worth of others as theirs often.

28. 97% superiors in Indian companies expect their subordinates to change; they never change first.

29. 80% Indians wish to go abroad for a better job; they are not happy with governments in India.

30. 90% Indian employees want promotions and increments every year. They don’t deserve them.

31. 95% of Indian employers don’t have even basic knowledge about labor laws. They run big companies.

32. In India, to get a great job, fast, you must know how to cheat others and impress them artificially.

33. Superiors in Indian companies are scared of those with authority but not those with intelligence.

34. 98% employees in Indian companies are actors. They cannot survive and excel as individuals here.

35. Indians value the salary and status of an employee rather than his intelligence, standards and values.

36. In India we can’t start and run a company if we go by rules on paper. We should know manipulation.

37. 90% of Indian companies like to recruit a distant idiot slowly than an available gem fast.

38. Many crave government jobs in India. Expectations are few and rewards are high there. Sinecures.

39. 90% Indian parents wish their sons and daughters to do jobs for a better image in society.

40. Indian bosses like those, who praise them more than necessary, but not those, who criticize them.

I have been thoroughly fed up with the HR policies and procedures of many companies in India, though I worked with very few of them only till now. I hate reading articles by HR staff or those meant for them because it is not happening at ground level. I hate HR meetings and conferences because they discuss nonsense there and come up with mess. When HR departments learn to treat idiots also kindly, they can contribute to the growth of their organizations. Every employee is an opportunist. Most of them might be beasts also. The standards and values, set and followed in a unit of employment, fairly, towards everybody, must change him/her into a human being and keep them so until they go out formally. HR staff need high degree of patience, self-control, sensitivity, empathy, intelligence and vision to attract the best ones into their firms and retain them for long. Humanity wins the race here but not tactics and gimmicks. In fact, many good employees also turn into bad ones after observing biased HR culture there.

MAKING A CHOICE

Making a choice, among the few or many available to us is difficult in our lives. God provided us with a variety of resources of utility and entities of beauty around us to keep us energetic, inspired and happy. I would give you the list of choices I had once and have now and how I had and have to choose one from them in a context or situation. Many times, we don’t make a choice after careful thought for years but randomly and carelessly. This is why we are all somewhat happy now. The more we think to make a choice, the more we fail to opt for one. I believe that most of our lives are a result of our random choices.

1. I was born in a village named Gollalagunta, East Godavari District, Andhra Pradesh, on 8 September, 1976, sometime around 2:40 pm that day. I was the third son to my parents. I did not choose the place or time of birth. I did not choose my parents. I did not choose my siblings. This birth was imposed on me.

2. I grew up in a mango farm of the Kshatriyas of village Tangedu, which is near village Ramayyapatnam in Visakhapatnam district, along with my parents and brothers. I studied my first and second standards in the primary school at Ramayyapatnam. I walked about two kilometers to reach this school. I did not choose my school. I had to accept what was there. There were no multiple options either.

3. My parents sent me to the house of my maternal grandparents in Gollalagunta for my study from the third standard onwards. I studied at the upper primary school in Gollalagunta from my third to seventh standards. My parents imposed their choice on me here. I obeyed and followed what they instructed me.

4. My uncle K V Rama Raju, who was one of the teachers for me at this school during this time, thought that I could study well if I join the Andhra Pradesh Residential School (APRS) for Boys at Bhupatipalem in East Godavari District. He kept me at his abode in Jaggampeta for about a month and got me prepare for the entrance test into this school. I did not take this entrance exam well. I did not think that I would get a place to study here. I joined the Zilla Parishad High School at village Darlapudi to pursue my eigth standard. Around October 1990, I knew that I got a place to join this school as one of the students that joined this school left soon being unable to study in that remote and isolated area. We call it ‘waiting list’. I entered it. I continued there. I got accustomed to high degree of self-discipline when studying here because every student has to conduct himself or herself systematically while in a residential school, without the help of parents or relatives, away from them. I did not make this choice but my uncle. I accepted his choice and benefitted from it. In childhood, mostly others impose their choices on us. We have to obey and benefit from it. Often, we may miss beauty of our lives, because of their choices for us.

5. After completing my standard 10 from the APRS School at Bhupatipalem, in May 1993, I was sent to the coaching centre named Tadikonda Study Circle in Guntur city for getting coaching to take the entrance test meant for polytechnic course. I was here for about 40 days. I was already poor at mathematics. So, I did not get a good rank in this entrance exam. I did not apply for admission into any Intermediate college soon after taking this entrance test, with the blind belief that I would get a place in some polytechnic college. I lost the academic year 1993-1994 due to my ignorance. Polytechnic was not my choice but that of my father or my uncle. I accepted their choice but could not benefit from it.

6. My teacher uncle K V Rama Raju, after observing my failure to get through the entrance exam for polytechnic, advised me to take an arts course in Intermediate in which I need not struggle with numbers. I liked it. It was my choice to take HEC (History, Economics and Civics) group in Intermediate. I travelled by train between Narsipatnam Road and Elamanchili stations to pursue this course. I got first class marks in it. I benefitted from my choice. I entered a stage of life where I had freedom to choose.

7. My father, being uneducated, did not spend much money for my education at Intermediate level. I did not like his attitude towards me those days because he valued money more than me. I felt disappointed during these two academic years. I believed that I could not study well with the financial assistance of my father. I thought that I should get out of this hell. I was in deep admiration with Lakshmi, the daughter of a fellow, whose house was close to our rented abode, then. I started admiring her from around 1990. It got intensified by 1996. On January 8, 1996, at night, I talked with her father for half an hour and explained him emotionally that I was in love with his daughter and that I wanted to marry her. I did this after knowing that she would get married soon with a boy chosen by her parents. He said that his daughter did not know my name also. I realized that he became a villain. On February 10, 1996, at night, I daringly went to their house again and asked her parents to call their daughter Lakshmi out, so that I could talk with her and know whether she admired/loved me or not. They refused to do it. Her mother rebuked me severely. I decided never to turn my head also towards their house after this incident of humiliation. Lakshmi got married on 20 April, 1996. This severe blow on my psyche also provoked me to join Indian Army with the assistance of my brother Srinivasa Raju (MEG and Centre, Bengaluru, bearing number 15302638^W), who was already with it. I made this choice being compelled by circumstances around me but not exclusively because I liked it. My stint with Indian Army was between December 20, 1996 and 20 April, 1997. I spent most of this time as a garden boy. I got army number 15317443^H around the end of February, 1997. I did not like that rigid and conditioned environment. I left it. It was my choice.

8. Many, including my parents, rebuked me having understood that I left army at a time when many were hopelessly struggling to get a job with the defense services, a safe, reliable and secure job with central government. I joined B.A. course at the government degree college in Elamanchili in July 1997. It was my choice based on my earlier choice. A student of HEC group can take B.A. course only. It does not mean that I could take commerce course either even if a choice was there. I developed aversion for any subject with numbers from 1993 onwards. I passed my BA course with first class marks in 2000.

9. By this time I heard that University of Hyderabad was a great one in Andhra Pradesh and had vague idea to go for the entrance test of this university. My uncle K V Rama Raju enabled me to get that application form in time when I casually went to his abode in Jaggampeta once during this time. I took this entrance test in Andhra University at Visakhapatnam but I had no hope that I would get through it. They conducted this entrance test at 12 centers in India. A Telugu medium student of 15 years’ education, from a rural background, defeating many competent students from other regions, was an ordeal for me. I wondered when I got a letter from them stating that I could join this university by so and so date. My folks, my brother Srinivas in particular, felt very happy about my achievement in this regard. I did not like to pursue this course if my father would fund it. I developed more aversion for his attitude towards me, in financial matters, during my three years as a B.A. student also. My brother Srinivas said that he would spend money for my course and gave about 20,000 rupees to enable me to join this university. Later my father repaid him that money and he bore my expenses as a student there. He spent about 50,000 rupees for me for my education here. I passed M.A. English course with 58% marks in 2002. Pursuing M.A. English course was my choice because I developed passion for English since I was in my sixth standard at Gollalagunta. I developed my English for about 12 years before taking a decision to pursue M.A. English course. So, this choice was made by me believing that I deserve it.

10. I struggled and suffered much from July 2002 to November 2003 because of my effort to go to Alaska for fish packaging job, which I thought, would enable me to earn about two lakh rupees a month. By this time, I realized that money makes many things in human life. To earn more, fast, I chose this option of employment but the consultant cheated me. My father lost about one lakh rupees due to it.

11. I admired about four girls after Lakshmi and wanted to marry them. It was my choice. I failed in these efforts and married in a traditional format. I chose this girl also to marry after discarding many options offered by my father. Being able to choose our life partner, on our own, is luck in countries like India, especially in poor and uneducated families from rural backgrounds.

12. I did jobs with five units of employment till now, with considerable gaps between one job and the other. These were all my choices from a few available to me. I enjoyed doing each of these jobs. No job completely matches our interests and expectations. Compromise is inevitable in this domain.

13. Now I am unable to choose one from many options available to make my life comfortable and happy. So, when choosing one out of helplessness, I miss or lose the remaining ones:   

a. I want to meet many persons I like and see many places I wish to visit.

b. I want to see many films and fairs regularly.

c. I want to meet my friends now and then and enjoy their presence for a while.

d. I want to go to a remote place and live peacefully in a clean and beautiful ambience.

e. I want to spend enough time with my parents and relatives.

f. I want to spend more time with my wife and children.

g. I want to write often and publish books.

h. I want to go to those places where I spent considerably earlier as a student, jobholder or person.

i. I want to go back to those days when I enjoyed my life better than now despite hardships.

j. I want such life where nobody dictates me what I should do but allows me what I like to do always.

k. I want to kill everybody that is torturing others severely, directly or indirectly, often or regularly.

l. I want to know more about God, meeting great saints in India.

m. I want to see India in such a state, where all are living based on virtues and devotion towards God.

n. I want to do exercise regularly and burn excessive fat stored around my abdomen.

o. I want my health to be better than what I have now.

p. I want to sleep peacefully every night without any dream.

q. I wish to look young, energetic and handsome always, so that society may find me interesting.

r. I want such job where there are no restrictions of any kind at all.

s. I want to explore more in India to understand its diversity and feel its beauty.

t. I want that much money with which I can build a good house in my favourite place.

u. I should be able to run any vehicle so that I can buy them and move anywhere at will.

v. I want hygienic and healthy foods everywhere so that I can buy and consume them happily.

w. I want to live honestly and ideally always but I should not face difficulties on this journey.

x. I want state and central governments to establish such rule where all can live happily and comfortably.

y. I want all private and government employees to work based on the ideals of honesty, toil and loyalty.

z. I want all to live with a sense of mutual respect and love but not jealousy, hatred and cruelty.

I am unable to live happily now because I cannot create a world around me which I like the most. There are many choices around me but I cannot choose the best one for me as I cannot afford them. I have many desires but cannot fulfil all of them. I have limitations and restrictions as a civilized human being. When I try to get something, struggling hard, something else attracts me and gets me astray. I should be able to delete unwanted thoughts from my mind but I cannot do it. My subconscious area has a storehouse of haunting memories and sad experiences which often disturb and disappoint me. Others are not happy if I do what I like only. I am compromising a lot to satisfy others, doing what I personally do not like much.

Insights

1. Nobody can make the best choices in life or profession because what looks extraordinary today might turn out to be unwanted and detestable tomorrow due to change in your perception or in others.

2. Thinking too much about anything or struggling restlessly for something or somebody is avoidable. Many things are not in your control. You can imagine a lot but in reality it may never happen.

3. You can never utilize all the available options in your life. When you are with somebody, doing something, you are missing many incidents, experiences and persons. You cannot be everywhere.

4. Many things happen in your life before you reach an age of maturity whereby you can make choices for your satisfaction. Accepting and being happy with what happened is better than worrying about them.

5. We are not living in this world exclusively for ourselves but for others also. As a son, daughter, mother, father, relative, well-wisher, employer, employee …we have to play many roles attentively.

6. There is no happiness and contentment in struggling for what is inaccessible and unaffordable but being balanced and ideal with people, places and circumstances set around us by God with a purpose.

7. More than your intelligence, meticulous planning and perfect execution of something, your destiny configures most of where you should be born, how you should live and where you should die.

8. People and things around you play a destined role in your life. Never expect everything to happen to your advantage or happiness. You are just a particle in a world of unbelievable wonders and secrets.

9. Do not love or hate anybody or anything deeply. Nothing is permanent here. Nobody is completely reliable in this world. Just ensure that you are playing your role sensibly and sensitively.

10. Hardships and pains are inevitable parts of human life. You took this birth to clear those debts and burdens of your previous births only. Your soul has that history. Never try to explore that mystery.

11. Be good and open-minded at your level. Don’t compare your personality and achievements with those of others around you. You are a unique creature of God. Respect and love yourself. Feel it always.

12. Instead of struggling to know about quite mysterious and incredible truths around you, bring comfort and happiness into the lives of creatures around you utilizing what is available and affordable to you.  

13. Life is a mysterious but exciting journey. Nobody knows whom you meet and where you go on this track of wonders. Keep going. It needs much patience on your part. Be ready to face anything on the way.

14. Never expect too much from others. Like you, they have also many problems, tensions and fears in their lives and professions. Practice unconditional love with people and things around you always.

15. God planned for you more than what you can for yourself. Do not plan excessively for you or others. Very few things are in your control. Don’t toil to make impossible possible. It never happens.

16. Understand things from the perspectives of those to whom you want to help. Avoid excessive selfishness or goodness. You have an inevitable role to play. You should live to play that role completely.