TENSES MAKE ME TENSE

The past did not appear me interesting when I was living in it for “present” mostly looks boring for it is still with us. The present does not look me engaging for I am thinking about the lost past which is looking to be marvelous now. I can’t visualize bliss in future for it has no form or certainty of occurrence. I found tenses in English grammar interesting for they have a definite structure that can be understood by anybody. The tenses around me, trying to beguile me into their wonder land of magic and mystery, always kept me tense. They made me an enigma, somebody or something that can’t be defined or refined by me or by others. Definition applies to the ones that have an understanding of the past and an orientation toward a future. I am beyond these two. I don’t know what I had been before I took this human form and I am uncertain about what I am going to be after leaving this skin and bones on the earth. I am an alien in this sense and so one can’t define me. Then, I don’t know what I am really and why I am living in this world. When I lack this basic knowledge about myself, I can’t venture to seek the advice of others to correct myself. Prior to contemplating in that direction, another important question struck me, “What is good and bad in human living?” I could not answer it and neither could others. Then I understood that I can neither reform myself nor ask others to do it for me. My conscience told me one mid night, “Live until you die and always try to hate your death. It makes your life livable. Some other creatures and entities of this world would certainly play some nominal roles around you, whether you invite them or not. Learn to cope with them. While you follow this philosophy of life, death comes to you in seconds to end your tedious earthly journey and of course other humans consider your seconds as years".

Datla Chiranjeevi Raju