SRIJANA DEVI

Marriage is necessary for those that partly or fully think that the advent of a creature of opposite gender into their lives can make a difference. Whether it turns out to be a positive or negative influence can be understood in course of time. My parents, brothers and others in my familiarity had this notion and tradition in their genes. I too conformed to that ideology. In today’s society, for a boy to get married to a girl in traditional or love approach, the most important criterion is being financially sound enough to look after his wife, and physically and mentally healthy and energetic enough to satisfy the interests of his life partner throughout. I thought I had these qualities. Love can take place in one’s life at any stage of his evolution as a human being but marriage needs one to reach certain age. In India, generally, a boy is supposed to be 21 to marry and a girl 18. I started falling in love with girls when I was 18 or so. The first beautiful girl I admired and wanted to marry was Polisetty Penta Lakshmi of village Ramayyapatnam in S Rayavaram Mandal in Visakhapatnam district. It was a love of imaginations, dreams and ignorance. Their house was opposite our rented house. I used to go to their house often to watch Telugu feature films telecast on Hyderabad Doordarshan along with my parents because we did not have a television at our house those days. She appeared me like a goddess of beauty sitting on a chair before me when I sat on the floor watching the same television. A great beauty can easily attract the heart of an innocent and lovesick fellow of any age. I fell in love with Lakshmi soon. I realized that she too fell in love with me. My innocent look would have attracted her. We exchanged our mutual love for each other in certain modes which others might consider ridiculous, unreliable or outdated. One day I heard that her marriage was finalized with a boy of her parents’ choice. It was a big shock for me. Both of us equally contributed to this accident. We never tried to meet and exchange words to do something in case we felt we had love for one another. She remained helpless. She seldom came out of her house. If she ever did, it was with one of her brothers or friends only. I stopped going to their house after the entry of a television into our house. Thus two innocent lovers remained helpless and pitiable at the last stage of their delicate love story. I met her father in the night on 8 January 1996 and talked with him for 30 minutes. I emotionally explained him how much I loved his daughter and wanted to marry her. He bluntly condemned the possibility of our marriage saying that his daughter even did not know my name. He said that his community would outcaste them if they accept our marriage. An innocent little hero can’t fight a strong and manipulative villain. I felt very disturbed and hurt that night after his ruthless talk with me. I was in my second year Intermediate then depending upon my father for everything I needed to lead my life. My love or admiration for such an innocent beauty was true and honest but my strengths and strategies were poor. I went to their house in the night on 10 February 1996 again. I asked her father to call his daughter out. I desired to talk with her and know whether she loved me or not. It was the first daring and challenging step I took in my formative life. Meanwhile her mother entered the scene and attacked me with a set of abusive words, which a sensitive admirer can never hear from the mother of his beloved. I stopped looking at their house also after this day. I allowed our fate to lead the events thereafter. She got married on 20 April 1996 in Narsipatnam. I thought she married him helplessly. Our family left that village soon. I did not go to that part of the village much thereafter. She remained in my heart as a beautiful creature I worshipped once. I kept falling in love with beautiful girls afterwards. I desired to marry almost every girl I loved. Nupur Jain, Saswati Patnaik, Lahari, Jaya, Deepthi, Swagata, Sakshi were some of the girls I admired, tried and wanted to marry after love. I should say all these accounts were related to one-side admiration. I liked them. They ignored me. Reasons might be plenty. My heart remained empty. I wrote letters to brides in response to their matrimonial ads in Indian regional and national dailies. Nobody expressed interest in me. Few replied to me even for courtesy sake. Girls in India are not as kind and sensitive as many innocent boys and men think. Their priorities and ambitions are far more selfish and stronger than those of boys. I don’t like to blame them. They want a reliable, secure, comfortable, happy and rich life in the company of their carefully chosen life partners. Most of them leave the option of their marriage to their parents’ choice and diplomacy. They love boys easily though they don’t express much of it to the boys concerned. They are not still as daring and open as boys in matters of developing love and expressing it to the other person. I did not look attractive to them. I did not look handsome or rich enough to satisfy their paradigm of expectations from their dream partner. It is the story of many innocent, sensitive and helpless boys in India. They never stop falling in love with girls. They are optimistic. They ignore advice from their seniors. They are not particular about success in their love stories but love itself.

I completed my M A English from the University of Hyderabad in 2002. I did not know about the available jobs to my qualification and abilities. I applied for some jobs but nothing was materialized. I tried to go to Alaska in the first half of 2003 with the assistance of a private consultant in Secunderabad. I believed in his credentials based on a four-line classified ad in the famous Telugu daily Eenadu. My father borrowed 2, 40,000 rupees from his familiar ones and paid it to him upon my insistence to do it for my career at any cost. By October 2003, we realized that he could not send me or any others like me to Alaska. My elder brother Sambha Murthy Raju told him to give us our money back. He returned two lacs in the form of two post-dated cheques. Thus my dream of going to Alaska for a fish packaging job to earn about two lacs a month failed. My goal was to marry a very beautiful girl after earning a lot of money fast. Going abroad only looked the right solution for my issue then. My father incurred a loss of one lac rupees with the breakdown of my Alaska Dream. I decided firmly never to ask my father for money thereafter because I did not know how to spend other’s money properly due to my ignorance. It was the first lesson to me in my life on how to deal with other’s money. I always took my father as an intelligent businessman than affectionate and blind father to an ignorant son in matters of money. I joined the ICFAI University Press in Hyderabad as a Sub Editor at a monthly salary of 8000 rupees on 10 December 2003. It significantly relieved me from the disturbances I faced earlier. I worked there for about two and half a years. When I left it in 2006, my salary was 10000 rupees. After reading my personal diaries during this time, I felt the need of getting them published. I got them typed out by my familiar DTP expert Mr. Sri Ram. Initially I wanted to bring out my diaries from the year 1995 to 2004. I had to edit them because my English was very poor in those diaries. I did that work to some extent. I opened an account on the Blogger of Google and started writing this and that for my satisfaction. I underwent rhinoplasty spending 25000 rupees while working with the ICFAI University Press; that too on the night of one of my birthdays. My nose was flat. I did not like it. I wanted to make it sharp with an operation. I got satisfactory result out of this operation. Simultaneously I consulted marriage bureaus and websites also to find a suitable bride for me in the traditional method. Because the circle of our parents was little, I thought trying on my part for my dream girl was the right move. Not a single girl expressed interest in me nor replied to me even in my attempts of traditional mode. I had no value in the marriage market and weighed little against the highly attractive profiles of the software engineers and NRIs of the time. The two girls I met personally upon the advice of my parents and brothers during this time were Mantena Aruna and Ganga Bhavani. I met Aruna when I was with the ICFAI University Press. She was beautiful, educated and doing a better earning job than mine then. I talked with her for one hour at their house in Hyderabad and clarified her that I was looking to marry somebody more beautiful than her. She liked my choice and accepted that rejection simply. Later I heard that she married a lawyer within four months’ time. She never communicated to me thereafter. I joined OMS3 Consulting as a content writer in March 2007. They paid me 15000 rupees a month. I left it within five months’ time because I did not like their policies as a startup company. I met Ganga Bhavani in the morning hours on 21 October 2007 in Hyderabad along with my father Venkatapathi Raju to see if I could find her suitable to marry. She was a software engineer with the Wipro in Hyderabad. I did not find her beauty satisfactory to me at all. I explained my father clearly why she did not possess the beauty I was expecting. He managed to understand me. He found that I was not born to marry a girl chosen as per his assessment of the beauty of a girl. I belong to the Kshatriya community. My parents, brothers and relatives consider me an outcaste for sometime if I married a girl from another community or religion in India. I fell in love with girls and wanted to marry them barring these notions and restrictions at my home. I don’t know whether it was madness or idealism in my thoughts about my marriage. That afternoon on 21 October 2007, at the rented house portion of my friend and artist Veeranjaneyulu in Jubilee Hills, my father told me, “It seems that we can’t find a suitable bride for you relying on our contacts and relatives. Let me know if you got somebody in your mind. Remember that she must be from our community only”. My friend Veeranjaneyulu found such gesture from my father generous. My father tried to find a bride that brings considerable dowry for me and such other attractions from her father. I rejected many such offers from some parties in our community if the girl lacked the quality of beauty. My father found my age distressing to get married if further delay took place and proposed this open policy. He took that ultimate decision after about three years of his struggle to find a rich bride for me. Felt happy. Then I told him, “I want to marry that girl whom I saw earlier to talk for my friend’s marriage”.

I met Srijana Devi in the evening hours on 26 February 2007 at the rented house portion of her maternal uncle Dantuluri Rama Sekhara Raju at Court Street in Tuni town in East Godavari district. I went there along with my maternal uncle Kolukuluri Appala Narasimha Raju to judge her suitability as a bride candidate for my friend Kanumuri Rajani Kumar Raju in Hyderabad. Her father did not like to get her married to my friend because the latter was unfamiliar to him and perhaps because he was not a jobholder. I kept the two color photos of Srijana with me only after showing them to my friend and lack of positive response from the bride party. I decided to marry that girl. My father liked that idea. My elder brother Sambha Murthy consulted them. They readily agreed to get her married to me because they knew me as a good boy about ten years ago when I studied in village Gollalagunta where they lived for about ten years. The house of our maternal grandparents was built on a piece of land bought from Mantena Ramana Raju, the paternal grandfather of Srijana. They also clarified my father that they had little to offer me as dowry. My parents and brothers felt happy at their willingness to accept me as a suitable boy for their child. Their last desire was to see me married to a good girl. They did not put forward lofty demands before the bride party considering my light value in the prevailing marriage market. Nine of my family members, my teacher uncle K V Rama Raju and I visited the house of the maternal uncle of Srijana on 25 November 2007 to formally see the bride candidate and solemnize our mutual agreement for the marriage after conducting a little dialogue with the elders of the bride. My teacher uncle conducted a little dialogue with Srijana to know about her abilities to answer certain questions related to her life and education. She answered them well. I found her beauty fascinating and tantalizing in the sari she wore that afternoon. Her aunt Revathi beautified her applying a little cream on her face. My father negotiated with them as to what they should give us; half an acre of lime farm and a set of gold ornaments for their daughter. They agreed for that. I returned to Hyderabad happily. I left OMS3 Consulting on 5 September 2007. I was jobless when met this girl formally but told them that I was working with that company at a monthly salary of 20000 rupees. They hiked my salary from the month of September and I left it in the first week of that month only. I cheated them to this extent to marry the girl of my choice. I felt internally scared when they asked me about the location of my company in Hyderabad. Generally the bride party enquires into the job and salary details of the prospective bridegroom before marriage to avoid fraud in some cases. I told my familiar ones at the OMS3 to manage telling lies about my job status with that company if anybody came to them to enquire in that order. Fortunately none of the bride party went to that office to enquire about me. Thanked God to that extent for helping me. Talked with Srijana around 11:00 a.m. over phone on 30 November 2007 for the first time after our engagement. Both were excited and nervous to talk. Her father did not mind her talking with me before marriage considering his understanding about me for long as a good boy. She talked for about 15 seconds this time. Thereafter we continued talking over phone quite often. I have been waiting to talk with a beautiful girl for about 15 years then. That lovesickness of years made me mad after this beauty blest by God. I found her voice sweet. I found her kindness for me generous. Her words solaced me a lot. Stress, disappointment and sadness were mounting in me day after day because I was jobless, borrowing money from others and staying along with my cousin Kiran at his rented abode in Old Bowenpally, free of cost, benefiting myself from his care and love for me in those delicate moments of my life. I got very few calls from employers during this time. Nothing was getting finalized. It has been my mission to marry a beauty. That dream got materialized. It has been my commitment for long never to tell lies and cheat others as far as possible. I have been talking with Srijana as a cheat because I was not doing a job then. I did not tell my parents, brothers or relatives also about my having left the job because it would further worsen my life if the bride party simply rejected my case knowing about my joblessness then. They want one earning enough money to look after their child, not one without a job when the decisive talks are on. These were the worst days and nights in my life after the collapse of my Alaska Dream. Srijana was a cheerful girl enjoying her life in the company of her parents, grandparents, relatives, friends and classmates. A boy of 32 years managed to exploit the poverty of the parents of a girl to get their approval for his marriage. Venkatapathi Raju, the father of the bridegroom, has been a businessman, who invests his money in profitable ventures only. How was Srijana lucky then? She was getting married off to a familiar boy to their elders. They were happy to visualize that occurrence. Many poor Indian orthodox parents think this way about their daughters even to this day.

There was no feeling of urgency to my parents or brothers to fix our marriage date or on the part of the elders of the bride. For Srijana, her education and happy life were important against the occurrence of her marriage, early or late that year. I mobilized them to that extent because Srijana was a golden opportunity I got after a long search and suffering. My father was not happier with the financial backup Srijana had. He often shared his opinion with my mother and brothers that Srijana was not the right match for me. One day I strongly stated to my family members that I was resolved to marry her and anybody not interested in it can’t influence me even a little to change my attitude. I would marry her whether anybody liked it or not. They did not say anything against my resolve thereafter. My elder brother Sambha Murthy informed me about our finalized marriage date on 10 December 2007. I continued to suffer more as I was still jobless visualizing the marriage date fast approaching. I joined Thoran Technologies & Services Pvt.Ltd. at Vikrampuri in Secunderabad as a Content Writer at a monthly salary of 25000 rupees on 1 February 2008. It was a night shift company working to the US timings. Saturday and Sunday were compulsory holidays. I was saved and relieved to that extent. They support the IT recruitment and HR services of their main IT consultancy company based at Virginia in the US. G Srinivasa Rao, the Vice President, Operations, in Hyderabad, offered me this job without conducting any round of selection process to assess my skills or suitability to this job. He thought I could write to their expectations. They got capabilities to pay me as I demanded. I requested him to allow me to work daytime. He readily agreed for that. I needed money to rent in an abode of residence and buy certain things for my life after marriage. I did not like to ask my father or brothers like an indecent beggar or helpless pauper. I consulted my friend Rajani Kumar Raju and asked him if it would be good to meet some celebrities in the Telugu film industry like Prabhas and Ravi Teja and ask them to help me come out of this ordeal. In our part of the region, if one is deep in troubles, one is supposed to approach the affluent or the kind in one’s community for resolving one’s burning issues. I cried before him like a helpless orphan, saying, “I wanted to see the event of marriage in my life as a grand celebration supported by my active and happy contribution to it from every quarter. Now I have no money even to buy clothes. My father behaved like an intelligent and visionary businessman for years with me. Asking him for money is like committing suicide for me. My brothers are not financially sound enough to help me now. I don’t mind meeting some celebrities in the film industry. Please guide me!” He told me softly, “Celebrities in the film industry are not as good, kind and generous as you think or they appear on the silver screen. They are people running after easy money, flesh joy and fast fame. They spend any amount of money for their pleasures and fancies but not for an unfamiliar fellow like you if you approach them asking for some 50000 rupees or so. Some of them may like to give you 5000 rupees or so if they pity you. It is not a reliable idea”. He discouraged me to that extent from the concept of seeking the help of film personalities. He expressed his helplessness to help me in any other front. I considered many options to borrow money but nothing looked promising because I had nothing which I could claim mine based on which financial value others could lend me. I had been a student of my uncle K V Rama Raju while studying at the Zilla Parishad Upper Primary School at Gollalagunta in Jaggampeta Mandal in East Godavari district. I studied from my 3rd standard to 7th standard at this school staying at the house of our maternal grandparents. He helped me prepare for the entrance examination and go to study at the A P Residential School for Boys at Bhoopathipalem for three years. He guided me afterwards advising me what to do or not to do. I entered the University of Hyderabad because of his timely advice to me to apply to this university for the entrance examination. He had been a kind advisor and reliable well-wisher for long to me. He was rich and strategic enough to mobilize money for me to meet my vital needs before my marriage. I asked him to lend me one lac rupees promising him that I would repay it at the earliest possible date, doing my job. He agreed for it. He lent me that amount of money in a short time. I cleared small debts hanging with me till then. Meanwhile the father of the bride asked me to lend him 30000 rupees to buy clothes and things of that order for his daughter, essential to materialize a marriage from the perspective of the bride party. A marriage involves the interests and demands of two creatures essentially; bride and bridegroom. I gave him that amount of money without a second thought because the circumstances on their front demanded it strongly. I had about 40000 rupees in my hands to prepare for my marriage and expenses afterwards. I had a personal debt burden of one lac rupees on my head, the highest amount of money I borrowed from others till then. My marriage, which I wanted to see as a delightful and memorable event in my life, thus subjected me to a set of burning issues rising one after the other like chasing fire in a dry forest.

The only solace during this turmoil in my life was regularly talking with Srijana over phone. There were no telecommunication signals in their village and nearby areas. I would talk to her when she was having her lunch along with her classmates in her degree college or when she was going back to the village of her maternal grandparents in the evening in the college van. Her annual examinations were due to take place in March to come. She had to carry the stress and strain to that extent to prepare for her exams along with mentally getting prepared to her marriage, a big event heralding unimaginable change in the life of an ordinary Indian girl in villages. I bought chocolates and some other sweets worth about 1500 rupees using the disused and forgotten Ticket Restaurant coupons lying with my cousin Kiran then. I rushed to a Food World outlet in Banjara Hills and bought these items to send her on the occasion of her last birthday as an unmarried girl and kid of her liberal life. Her father and relatives felt happy at my gesture toward her before the marriage. At times it does not matter how you did it but whether you did it or not to satisfy others and hide the gloomy picture on your part. I rented in a one-bed room portion in a house at Darji Colony in Kakaguda in Karkhana area in Secunderabad paying him 7000 rupees as a two-month advance. He said that I should pay him money even for that period even if I did not start staying in that portion immediately after paying the rent. For him, one that pays the rent profitably is necessary, not the problems on part of the victim. I paid 1800 rupees to the broker that showed me a few vacant portions in that area for the consultancy services he rendered me spending with me for one hour. For a broker, earning money easily targeting typical victims in a given field is the profession and mission. I had little money to use after these and some other essential expenses. I moved to my rented abode in Darji Colony in the first week of March 2008. My cousin Kiran, with whom I stayed for about five months before, stayed at the abodes of his friends for some days and rented in a good house portion at RTC Crossroads shortly thereafter. We vacated our double-bed room portion at Old Bowenpally in the first week of March 2008. Those were the few last days I spent with my cousin Kiran as a bachelor. He had to rush to his office daily and returned at night at indefinite times. Working with Ernst & Young demanded it. I boiled milk and we two had it happily almost every morning as long as we stayed there. If I was happy and comfortable to some extent during those highly testing times of my life as a jobless bachelor, it was because of my cousin Kiran, the youngest son of my teacher uncle K V Rama Raju. He is one of sensitive and highly handsome boys of India with clean habits and admirable character. He desires to maintain values as an educated, sensitive and morally strong person in many things he does in his simple life. I bought cloth pieces worth 4000 rupees at R S Brothers cloth store in Ameerpet for four pairs of ordinary clothes and one pair of white marriage suit. I spent 1500 rupees to get them stitched. My marriage suit was a pair of white clothes worth 800 rupees. I bought some essential items to keep in my little abode like utensils for cooking, an iron cot, mattresses made locally, two big mats, plastic containers to store food items in the kitchen and so on. Whenever my mother asked me earlier about the kind of house I would stay in after my marriage, I used to tell her casually, “It would have such items like plastic containers and such other light stuff which even a thief does not like to steal even if I keep the doors and windows of my house open at night or day!”. This was the apt description of the abode I rented in and the things I put in it to make it a convenient abode for a newly married couple. I reserved a berth in the Godavari Express quite in advance because I valued marriage in my life and I wanted to attend it a little earlier as scheduled by me. It is natural for a bride or bridegroom candidate to desire to leave for the place of those ceremonies one week in advance in extreme cases. If a girl or boy can’t devote enough time even to his or her marriage, there is no meaning to such life or marriage. I left for my village on the evening hours on 21 March 2008 by my scheduled train, taking permission from my generous boss. I was known to many familiar to me for highly dependable punctuality schedules. If I said somebody that I would meet him at a given point of time at some place, it would happen 100% unless natural calamities or other kinds of heavy disasters occurred somewhere on my path of journey in the mean time. My Upanayanam (a traditional Hindu ceremony in our community meant for promoting a boy into the stage of his married life leaving the state of his bachelorhood behind) was held on 23 March 2008 at 8:30 a.m. at our house in Peda Gummuluru in S Rayavaram Mandal in Visakhapatnam district. Our marriage was held on 23 March 2008 by 9:25 p.m. at village Viswanadhapuram in Kota Uratla Mandal in Visakhapatnam district. God directed this episode of my life well. There were thick clouds in the sky before our marriage in that forest area. It rained as we left the place of the bride after marriage and when Srijana and I were entering our house in Peda Gummuluru around 1:30 a.m. on 24 March 2008.

Mantena Naga Satya Srijana Devi was born at “Talli Pilla Hospital” in Tuni on 9 January 1990. Her father’s name is Mantena Rama Raju and her mother’s name is Mantena Saraswathi Devi. Her brother’s name is Venkata Sita Rama Raju, who is one year younger to her. Her father met with a minor accident some years ago and it rendered one of his eyes blind. Her mother was affected with high percentage of stammering and those unfamiliar to her can’t make out her words at all initially. Her hearing ability was also impaired during her childhood. She can’t hear low sounds. She manages to understand many words her familiar ones speak observing their lip movements and the context of the conversation between her and her familiar ones. She is an able and admirable woman in other respects such as keeping house, managing her family and cooking. Srijana’s parents have a property of one and half an acre of lime farm near Viswanadhapuram worth about 8 lacs now. It was given to them after their marriage by the maternal grandparents of Srijana for their livelihood. They get about 25000 rupees a year from the crop it yields. There are some coconut, mango and banana trees in this little agricultural farm. My father insisted on transferring the revenue land records of half an acre of this piece of land in Srijana’s name during formal talks with the bride party. He earned about 25 acres of agricultural land during the last 30 years. He never gave me even 5000 rupees on his fatherly instinct asking me to buy something I liked. Such father did not feel humiliated to beg for half an acre of land from the father of the bride to enrich my life and add to the set of things bringing happiness into my life. Such have been my father’s thoughts and acts toward me and others for long. I consider him a good businessman. He knows how to invest his money and thoughts on those only which yield him more money or benefits of other kind. I often wonder if a son ever needs to teach his father the meaning of the term ‘father’, his minimum characteristics and responsibilities toward his son in a holy land like India. Srijana was initially sent to a primary school in village Kothuru near Viswanadhapuram by her maternal grandparents to familiarize her to school atmosphere. She pursued her first, second and part of third standard at Siddhartha Convent in Tuni in English medium. During latter half of her third standard, she was taken to Gollalagunta. She did her third standard exams at the Zilla Parishad Upper Primary School in Gollalagunta. During this time, she underwent appendicitis operation at the Durga Das Hospital in Tuni. She was brought to Viswanadhapuram during the final stage of her fourth standard considering her health after the appendicitis operation at such age. She pursued her fourth and fifth standards staying at the house of her maternal grandparents in Viswanadhapuram and did those exams at the Zilla Parishad Upper Primary School in Kodavatipudi, a village two kilometers away from Viswanadhapuram. Later she was taken to Chanda Nagar in Hyderabad by her maternal aunt Madhavi. She pursued her sixth standard at Saraswathi Vidhya Mandhir in Chanda Nagar. Then she was taken back to the abode of her maternal grandparents. She pursued her seventh standard at a private school named Mother in Kota Nanduru in East Godavari district. She pursued her eighth, ninth and tenth standards at the Zilla Parishad High School at K.O. Mallavaram in East Godavari district by which time her father managed to build a house for themselves in this village. She used a bicycle to and fro this school during this time staying at the house of her maternal grandparents. She pursued her Intermediate (10+2 is termed like this in Andhra Pradesh) at the Government Junior College for Girls at Bank Colony in Tuni staying at the rented house portion of her maternal uncle Dantuluri Rama Sekhara Raju and Revathi. She used to go to the house of her maternal grandparents during the weekends and holidays during this time. It was when she was in her final stage of Second Year Intermediate that I first visited her as a marriage consultant trying to finalize a suitable bride for my friend Rajani Kumar Raju. She joined Gayatri Degree College for her B.Sc. in Payakaraopeta (Payakaraopeta is part of Tuni. Payakaraopeta belongs to Visakhapatnam district and Tuni to East Godavari district). She daily commuted by their college van during this time from and to her house in K O Mallavaram. This is a coeducation college. I brought her to Hyderabad after our marriage and her exams. I got her admitted to the Kasturba Gandhi Degree and PG College for Women at West Marredpally for her Second Year B.Sc. (Mathematics, Physics and Computer Science) in English medium. She knew about the formal negotiations by her elders with mine regarding our marriage by 1:00 p.m. on 25 November 2007, a little before we bridegroom party reached there to solemnize the subject of our marriage. She thought that she would miss her liberal and happy college life with her friends after her marriage. I disturbed her interests and choices to that extent. She liked to pursue her B.Sc. in Tuni only completely. She liked taking any decision with my permission after our engagement and thus agreed to come to Hyderabad for her second year B.Sc. Her dream was to do MCA, get a job and enjoy that state of earning and outdoor life for some period of time.

Her impression when she saw me during the few moments of our formal engagement was that I was not bad. I was with low fever during that time. She likes her maternal grandmother Vatsavayi Lakshmi Bharathi (who was born on 26 January 1950) the most. She spent most of her life with her maternal grandmother only till today. Aditya, her cousin, the eldest son of her maternal uncle Rama Sekhara Raju, is her second favorite creature on this earth. She feels and exerts equal affection and attachment for her parents. She likes seeing films, playing cards, spending with her friends, and watching television. She hates love. She likes and wears Punjabi suits, half saris and gowns of some kinds. She likes chocolates, ice-creams, guavas and apples. She likes all kinds of flowers. She has no particular taste for any single color. She visited tourist attractions in Visakhapatnam except Port area as a student or otherwise with an intention to see beauty of places and people there on different occasions. We went to the holy temple of Lord Satya Narayana Swamy in Annavaram, which is about 30 kilometers from our village, to worship that God formally as many newly married couples do in our region soon after their marriage. My eldest brother Srinivasa Raju and eldest sister-in-law Sandhya Rani accompanied us for this occasion. Srijana stayed at our house for very few days during this one year. She found it boring staying there. Once she called me up and told me to come there immediately. I rushed there to kill her boredom. It was something my parents and brothers never witnessed being done by me. I never went there on their requests but as per my schedules before. They might have thought that I accorded more importance to the words of Srijana, a creature that entered my life very recently, than those that have been familiar to me for 32 years. Her recent ambitions are to learn English and Hindi well. I presented two mementoes of poetry in Telugu so far to her on the occasions of her two birthdays before and after our marriage. She likes sitting at my back when I am riding a bike. I stopped learning it years ago because I can’t manage to change gears time to time in tune to the nature or intensity of traffic before me. I always keep thinking about something or somebody and to that extent I can’t ride a bike with tricky gears. I would buy a self-start bike some time in my future to satisfy her interests and keep myself secure with the easy management of the bike in my hands on the roads. I hate wearing a helmet while riding a bike, carrying some compulsory documents with me to escape from the punishments of traffic police and frequently moving to mechanics and filling stations to get it repaired and filled. I don’t know how far I can manage with these disturbances of owning and using a bike in cities. These problems are almost zero in villages where traffic problems are low and attentive police are few. I can’t move to villages right now leaving cities. Her cooking skills and interests are better than mine. I can cook rice. She can prepare some curries and soups also which I consider manageable. She never thought that she would get married that early in her life. She did not learn cooking devotedly for this reason. I never promised myself in my life to eat or drink something at home only if they are prepared by experts. I am expert in nothing. I should not have rock solid expectations from anybody. I like capturing and recording the beauty of a familiar creature and preserve it for use in future by us or others. Once I took her to the campus of the University of Hyderabad in the old jeep of my friend Veeranjaneyulu along with some other familiar ones. When I was devotedly trying to take more photos to her with the borrowed digital camera of my cousin Murali, she did not cooperate to me to my expected level. I took her toward our English Department and told her a little angrily, “I have been waiting for about 15 years to take the photos of a girl that belongs to me and loves me in a way I like. If you can’t understand it, I have no books to give you to educate you. I don't think giving some kinds of poses to a camera held by an enthusiast on the other side disturbs the health of the creature to be photographed”. Though these were not the words I used exactly, the essence of what I told her that evening was something similar to this. She sat on a cement structure there and involved herself into tears silently without saying anything to me. I felt, “A professor of pain, suffering and lovesickness did not know how to deal with an innocent kid of sensitivity, her small world and her little thoughts. Is this your growth as an individual? Idiot”. I took many photographs of her even afterwards with the digital camera of my cousin Kiran. I got some of them printed out and put them in albums. Her parents and grandparents felt very happy sensing my interest to take her photos and put them in albums devotionally. Her voice sounds like that of a kid when we hear it on a phone. I allow her to go to the house of her parents or maternal grandparents whenever she likes. It is a hilly area. There is clean environment. I believe that a sparrow would be happier and comfortable in her natural habitat than in a golden cage arranged by her caretaker for selfish or selfless reasons. I consider her one of the great beauties of India. Lord Krishna appointed me to be her guardian and caretaker. She is my primary Gopika. She manages to live with me simply with limited desires and ambitions.

We have been staying at the same little abode we entered after our marriage. I brought my brother-in-law Vamsy here and got him admitted to the Government ITI at Musheerabad. He is poor at studies. He got Machinist (Composite) trade for the negligible marks he got in his tenth standard. We often see Telugu films going to theaters and go to the houses of our relatives, friends and well-wishers. She does not eat and drink many which benefit her short-term and long-term health despite my regular advice to her to habituate herself to such foods and drinks. I like her scolding me, beating me and doing such other acts of a mischievous teacher toward her intelligent but lovesick student. I presume girls opted to stay away from me because I did not behave like a boy of the present times but like a disciplinarian of an old generation. I authorized Srijana to break the silence and formalities in me as long as they delight us. She often hums the latest Telugu cine songs. She is an expert in playing cards. She taught me a little art of it recently. I played those games with her cousins when I went to their home formally for the previous Sankranthi. I don’t like to treat her like my servant but an honorable guest into my life appointed by my Lord Krishna. I told her parts of the love stories I indulged in with some girls so far. She teasingly comments, “You ran after them like an insensitive dog. No traces of shame at all!” I laugh to such honest and blunt remarks by her. We visited places like Shilparamam, Zoo Park, Hussain Sagar, Sri Rama Chandra Mission ashram at Thoomukunta and Hindu Deity Temple Complex at Film Nagar. We also visited a grape farm near Uppara Pally recently and bought 20 kilos of farm fresh grapes. We sent some of them to her relatives. I don’t think teaching her English right move because my English capabilities are limited and poor. I would assign that duty to an expert. I do not stop being in touch with my friends, admiring my former targets of love and others because I married Srijana. I did not ask her not to talk to her friends from college and other quarters. Marriage must be a solid and long-lasting bond between a girl and boy to understand others better and go along with them happily. We are part of such open, sensitive, liberal, healthy and visionary society. Our comfort and happiness depend on how much we can understand others around us and try to keep them a little happier with our presence or other kinds of sociability whenever and wherever possible. I did not invite any of my friends to my marriage particularly because I was not in a good mood and also because I knew that they can’t come to that remote village in a hilly area to see our marriage for a few minutes. I did not even get a wedding card prepared and printed for me to give to my close friends in Hyderabad. I had neither time nor interest at that time to do it. Tears settle in my eyes when I see the little wedding card in English Srijana got prepared and printed to give to her friends. A utopian, claiming, dreaming and preparing to shake the world as a writer soon, could not even get a wedding card materialized for his marriage. An innocent girl, who knew about her marriage just before a few minutes to the engagement, with little understanding about this world and very few experiences of pain and suffering in her life, managed to prepare a beautiful wedding card in English. I thought with pain reading it, “God! You are great. She could do it. I could not do it. You write stories more powerfully than me. There will be a day in my future when I write such accounts which would be more energetic, influential and challenging than yours. Done!” I bought a big box and kept my personal diaries, the papers with other writings, our marriage photos, our marriage videos, the mementoes I presented to her, the photo albums with her photos shot by me, our wedding cards printed by the elders of our respective elders on both sides and such other assets we find invaluable for us in it. Earlier I used to struggle a lot to sleep because turbulent currents of thoughts and imaginations kept disturbing my peace of mind for a long time when I was hell-bent to sleep at any cost. Now I am feeling a little relieved and managing to sleep a little earlier than before. Srijana says that often I talk to myself during my sleep. I am restless even during my state of sleep when my subconscious arena gets activated. Earlier I thought that only dreams haunt me. Now I found that I am disturbed even to other extents. Writing a devoted blog or entertaining a series of thoughts on something heavily disturbs one’s psyche. I would try to balance my thoughts and imaginations to set myself liberated from all these sets of disturbances even when I am sleeping. This world has entered me more than I wanted it. Srijana is undoubtedly a valuable and highly influential entry into my life because she is the essence of the beauty and other qualities I dreamt to see in a girl that energizes my life and journey toward a better tomorrow built by all along with me. After marrying her I understood one thing, “God is more intelligent and visionary than me. He knows how to write and direct a powerful story with gripping twists and arresting scenes”. I am introducing Srijana to you after one year after our marriage because we need a little time to understand a person or write a real story of humans. Srijana is my wife but wants to have many friends, advisors, guides, well-wishers and critics. She is a citizen of great India. I would try to broaden her outlook and enrich her love for this world as far as I can manage. I invite you all to do it along with me, if interested.

Datla Chiranjeevi Raju