MY PERSONAL DIARIES-HER INTERVIEW

Sakshi: Why did you make your personal diaries public through blogging? Don’t you consider it private and personal, which cannot/should not be shared with all, as many think?

I: For me, human life is quite tragic, unreliable and vulnerable. I believe that 80% of the human beings in this world are not happy with their lives for many reasons. They are living because they developed strong attachment with many phenomena and creatures in their accessible world. They enter that sad and painful network of relationships and associations unknowingly and continue in it being unable to come out of it until their chosen end or natural departure. Among these millions of people, very few write personal diaries as intensely as I do. Many of them do not share them with others.  Their recorded personal lives and thoughts get burnt in the fire of time without being accessible or useful to anybody. We perceive and experience our lives differently at different stages and situations. It’s an enticing story of some turns, some surprises, some thoughts, some dreams, some imaginations and some pains. I deeply enjoy reading all these diaries. I think even others can derive pleasure and insights reading them. All the creatures, mentioned and discussed in these diaries, including me, disappear one day from this material world. These are all transitory characters in the big story of God. Mine is the character of a silent observer and interpreter in that big story of God. When we love many in this world, we feel like sharing the joys and woes of our life with others. A personal diary is the best tool to record the journey of our lives and show it to others later. Thus I am lucky. I wrote my personal diaries and could bring them up to this stage of public show. When I am alive, let others know about me and explore me metaphysically. Let them connect with me psychologically. It’s a sphere of intense belongingness, universal fraternity, idealism, pain and suffering meant for all.

Sakshi: What makes you keep writing these diaries?

I: It was intuition when I started writing it in 1995. I did not stop it. I am grateful to God for energizing and enabling me to write them on and on, for all these years, every day, throughout. When I started this journey, I was an innocent pedestrian. Soon I became a determined athlete. Now I am an unyielding runner on this path of diary writing. Continuing the pursuit of writing personal diaries in this order is not an ordinary thing. Nobody asked me to do it. Nobody worries if I stop it. It’s an expedition started by me. Later it became a self-imposed daily responsibility. It’s like submitting to a tradition believed and started by us for our satisfaction and commitment. History is important for a person, society, culture or nation. These diaries are my personal history, created by me, for me and others. Since only one person should not benefit/delight from a source of this nature, I am trying to make it accessible to all. I am writing them to let others know what I am really and what my thoughts are about many things appearing and happening in this wonderful and mysterious world.

Sakshi:  When and how do you write your personal diaries?

I: Generally, the events/thoughts related to Monday would be written down in the morning of Tuesday. We must live and feel the 24 hours of a day (night) to record its history. So, I mostly write my diary during the morning hours, sometime between 6:00 and 8:00. I am unable to write them in a comfortable and tranquil ambience now. So, seasons around me, the creatures living with me, the environment about me, the moods I am undergoing during those times…all affect the nature and intensity of these writings to some extent, though I try to control my psyche to the best possible extent. One needs serene and inspiring abode of life and profession to do such things well every day and night. I am yet to achieve those levels of residential existence and professional atmosphere to deliver the best.

Sakshi: Sometimes we don’t find time at all to write diary…especially when we are deeply engaged in some inevitable facets of our profession, pilgrimage, long journeys and so on. How do you manage to write your diary even in such tough and irritating circumstances and pressures?

I: I face such situations twice or thrice a year. I recollect the events of that day and night after two or three days and then write them down. I fill three pages, at the most, at a stretch, during such situations. It demands more patience, peace of mind and idealism from me. I accord highest importance to writing my diary wherever I am and whatever I am doing on any given day throughout the year. If my job or other responsibility does not allow me to balance myself like this and write my diary in this order, I avoid such job or responsibility altogether. If my life is 80% important for me, the pursuit of writing my diary is 75% important for me, every day. My diaries portray my life to me and others. So, I must be very careful and visionary in this regular and inevitable pursuit.

Sakshi: Why do you think that you must publish your diaries in the form of books?

I: I struggle every day, throughout the year, to write my personal diary, without a break. I spend about one hour’s time to write one page in my diary, every day. I am investing my valuable time, thoughts, imaginations and vision to make a diary full in terms of content and the intrinsic value it carries. I think the thoughts, notions, dreams, insights and vision documented by me through these diaries educate, entertain and reform others to some extent, based on their characters and attitudes. These personal diaries are very important for me. So, I want to get them published in the form of books and reach them even to those people, who never get into the acts of Internet use and online life. There are comfort, ease and happiness in reading a book in our favorite places and times. Exploring them online does not provide us with such pleasure of reading. So, for me, a book is more attractive tool than Internet when it comes to reading texts of this nature and size.

Sakshi: While editing, how do you change/polish the content of your original diaries?

I: My English was very poor when I started writing my diary in 1995. Over the years, I could improve my English to some extent. I edited the language part of these diaries. Here and there I add more content to make a few things clear to readers. I retain 99.5% of the originality of my diaries, when editing the related typed text on my computer because I like truths and want to share them as they are with others. Those that are far better than me at English may find some errors even in these edited diaries by me. Highly customary and classic language must be used in a book to make it easily readable and comprehensible. This is my primary concern and purpose in editing them. I want to get them edited again if I find the right person. All those that use great English may not be thinkers, visionaries and idealists. I search for such admirable artists and challengers for getting them edited again in future. I assess, define and describe the characters of such people according to my criteria and standpoint. I think Arundhati Roy is one of such great Indians suitable to edit my personal diaries. I don’t know if she considers my diaries deserving pieces to be edited by her or not. There are many such great personalities in India now. I will research about those admirable Indians then and get them edited. Unfortunately, creatures like Arundhati Roy may not have interest or time to edit my diaries, considering their busy schedules in their intense aspects of personal and professional lives. I think Arundhati Roy has no personal life like me. Her life is an open book. Such idealists and thinkers must edit these diaries. Since I edited them thoroughly at my end, it does not take much time for them.

Sakshi: Why are you not getting them published now itself?

I: Majority readers are looking for the works of crazy folks and celebrities now. Nowadays celebrities are those who cannot contribute to the prosperity and peace of this nation or world at all. When millions of shallow readers are getting attracted toward such books, really worthy writers and books don’t get focused and received much. Ninety percent of the publishers are hard-core businessmen now. They want money and fame, fast. They passionately run after worthless blokes and crazy idiots also, if they have millions and billions of rupees as entrepreneurs, sportsmen, cults, film creatures and other kinds of celebrities. In this clumsy and unhealthy publishing business atmosphere, finding a publisher for works of this order is very difficult in India or abroad. I am a negligible living entity now because I have no bundles of money to promote myself in every possible mad way. So, visionary, selfish and commercial publishers treat me like a rat in a barren farm near a desert. Time resolves many issues in this world. I will get them published according to its dictates to me silently.

Sakshi: Did you read all your edited diaries, which you posted on your blog site now?

I: I did not read even one of these diaries till now from the beginning to the end, after editing them. This is how God curses many folks like me. I spent a lot of time to edit them. My personal economy collapsed to the worst level during this time. I joined an ad agency to come out of this hell. I am not getting time to read my personal diaries also because I have only four Sundays in a month to do something really interesting and inspiring for me. On that precious day also, some other pressing things of my life steal all that time. I like reading newspapers and seeing films a lot because both educate and entertain me. I am not getting time even to do these two things satisfactorily after joining this job. Six-day work weeks are a hell for any employee. I am undergoing this stress, strain and pain now. I am compelled to do a job now for my survival. I am disturbed for not getting time to read my edited personal diaries. So, I don’t know what I wrote in all these diaries in detail. Recently an idiot commented quite badly somewhere in the space of my personal diaries on this blog site. Such dirty comments disturb and hurt me a lot. When I am struggling like this to write my diaries every day and present them to others, in a polished and readable format, thinking that they may be useful to them to some extent, why are these sinners and criminals leaving such nasty anonymous comments on my blog site? Their purpose is to irritate and infuriate me somehow. They know that they cannot face me directly. I permit all to comment on my blog sites because everybody likes liberty to access somebody immediately without much difficulty in the process. Since Blogger of Google gave me this much of online space freely, I am able to post these diaries for all to read. I am utilizing the generosity of Google positively. Some misuse it posting very abusive and unnecessary comments anonymously.

Sakshi: Why should anybody read your personal diaries at all?

I: I cannot explain it in a few or many words because I did not read them. When I am reading one diary, I forget the events and essence of another diary. So, it is impossible for me to sketch the power and force of these diaries in the form of a review or outline. It is like galaxy. It is an abode of mystery, wonders and surprises for all even now after so much of scientific advancement in many nations. If one wants to feel it, one has to fly up and live there individually for some time. Similarly, if one wants to feel and understand what I wrote in these diaries, one has to read them in a comfortable and inspiring setting and time. Nobody loses anything reading them, except psychological balance and peace because I am writing these diaries in such state of mind being disturbed or inspired by so many pains or attractions in this world. These are not personal diaries of a superficial, insignificant and dim fellow but one that faces others after exhibiting his life and psyche, bit by bit, intensely and energetically. When the life of a person is accessible for all to connect psychologically and when such person is easily accessible, there is ample space for criticism or appreciation to take place effectively. However, I think one must read my personal diaries to know about human psychology, humanity, society, religion, love, admiration, passion, attachment, friendship, pain, separation, struggle for existence, vision, ideals, ideas, thoughts, dreams, challenges, beauty, girls, women, boys, men, films, songs, music, art, artists, books, radio, television, Internet, blogging, writing, politics, money, discipline, morality, immorality, sex, India, Indians, creativity, rationality, universal fraternity, human will, journey, relationships, tragedy, life, death, spiritualism, observations, insights, knowledge, philosophy, character and so on.

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Sakshi is an energetic Indian online crusader, sensitive dog lover, ideal creature, impressive beauty, intelligent professional, admirable introvert, manageable extrovert and confident individual. I chose her to interview me in my abode of mysterious psyche. Once she played the role of my enemy in the big story of God. Now I imposed the role of my comrade and well-wisher on her in my ethereal sphere of multiple options. She is my character. She lives in Mumbai.