I AND THE 'OTHER'

I somehow had the habit of letter-writing. Letters contain letters that possess some meaning in them as they are and that can be understood by literates in this world, though interpretations may differ depending on the psychological state of the reader in question or in general sense that can’t be questioned. You find the preceding sentence somewhat superficial, yea I like it. The modernity honors abstract notions and the profound words supporting them. So, recently I sent an introductory email to a girl, whose blogger profile was found on this site. She replied me promptly. You may wonder why I wrote to a girl, simply because a male likes a female in general and I am a common human being in this sense. I sent a very formal email to her and she replied that she found it somewhat ‘beyond the commonplace’. She likes to be informal in her correspondence to new fellows and I like to be the other way.

The very first reply from her set me in somewhat uneasy situation. Perhaps she would not have liked my words in the email. She wrote that she ‘likes to respond to my email rather than not to and that she does not appreciate mails from me’. Generally, this means she is indirectly cautioning me to be careful in dealing with her. Somehow I replied to her and she began to reply to me. Her language looks very modern and mine is almost opposite to hers. Slowly I began to like the words she is using. I could not help being formal in my writing pattern and yet I liked the informality in her emails. This is how one can be an acceptable person to the other in course of time. I mean quite odd or extraordinary things of today may look quite common and interesting things tomorrow. All that is required is being open minded and positive in our attitude. We can’t always expect others to be good and appreciable toward us. The depth of our perception or the distinctiveness of our personality depends on our ability in dealing with new fellows, mostly with opposite gender.

She went to the US to attend a project work on behalf of her organization in Hyderabad. She has been there for about two months and is returning in the first week of December 2005 to Hyderabad. I did not see her photo and yet I found her replies interesting, simply because she is putting forward some argument defending herself from my argumentative emails. The seriousness or depth of the points she was presenting looked secondary to me and whether she was replying to me or not assumed the position of primary concern as days progressed. So, this implies that human beings are naturally good in their nature and that they slowly begin to like others despite the differences of opinion between or among them. This is how friendships and relationships are flourishing in this world. One is required to like others and one should give much importance to others despite knowing the fact that the other has no that much concern for the one in question. This is how we can go a bit ahead in our network of bonds with fellow humans. The more we are narrow in our outlook the more we distance ourselves from others.

It is not great if one is happily spending with one’s parents, relatives, schoolmates and colleagues. One’s worth depends on being known to ‘others’ and being a part of them for some time at least. We can’t experience novelty of life unless we interact with others. Others would mostly be acceptable to us if we are a bit patient and broad-minded initially. We should be able to sustain the relationship with a selfless and unbiased heart. I sent her my photo to allow her to understand me with a visible sensibility. I did not expect her to do the same. She sent me somewhat short emails and yet I sent long and interesting mails to her. She has no time and I have. I should spend much time for her despite knowing that she can’t or doesn’t. I tried to make my mails interesting simply taking every point she touches seriously. When she thinks that I am spending some time and using some brain to respond to her, she naturally finds me as an acceptable guy. I developed a sort of attachment with her emails, not the person. This means that words also mean a lot to us when they have a bit of substance in them and when they are created by somebody that has a bit of concern for us in some sense.

Based on her emails, I presumed that she represents the modern society in some sense. I am not supposed to distance myself from her taking her as ‘superficial’. I should assign much value to her and then only I can find her interesting. We like films, flowers, animals, celebrities and the wonders of the world. In this process, we fail to appreciate the humans that are in our familiarity or access in a realistic sense. This is how we miss the taste of life in a practical manner. The moment we begin to respect others as they are, they look great. The more we criticize others, the more we go shallow. If we have the guts, we have to reform the bad. Otherwise, we had better at least appreciate the good ones. Majority do neither of these two. They always find faults in others. I am trying to be the other, somebody that likes to like as many people as possible. This demands maturity on part of the agents involved. I am struggling to be mature on my part. This means not underestimating anything or anybody in this world unless we have solid proof with us in that regard.

She is an important person to me in ‘some sense’. This is because she spent some time for me unlike the others (about six billion people), who rarely care for me despite knowing that I am a part of them. I do not reveal you her name for two reasons. Firstly because you are not interested in such ‘trivial’ things of the world and secondly because she likes privacy as a girl. She likes me as a human being and she did not authorize me to tell her name to anybody beyond her knowledge. I am trying to see her as a ‘valuable’ person in this regard. I am walking toward the goal ‘being an acceptable human being to many’. Others can join me. Of course, there are few for you take words as words. The world would have been a heaven if everybody tried to take words into action, not bad words, good words of course. One can know what is ‘good’ if one is not basically ‘bad’. This leads you into a chaotic end and that is what I wanted. Stopping you there, where you can’t avoid thinking on your own.

Datla Chiranjeevi Raju

HOW CAN I BE HAPPY ALWAYS?

 

This is the question everybody faces if one is really concerned about oneself. As everybody knows well, various things have to be favorable to one for this to happen. Let us consider a few:

Firstly, one should have borne in a considerably rich family. By this I mean a family that can provide minimum human needs to its members without much difficulty. When food, clothes and shelter are available to a person, he can be a bit happy to follow the path shown by his parents or relatives.

Secondly, the parents or relatives of a person should not have any hereditary diseases as such for there is much possibility of their entry into the physical or psychological domains of the person in question.

Thirdly, the ugliness or beauty possessed by parents would certainly be received by their children. The luck of a person depends on this factor a lot. The beautiful are fast received by the society.

Fourthly, the parents or the society the person is associated with should be virtuous and visionary. Imagine a person taking birth in a very orthodox family or a society that survives on robberies and murders.

Fifthly, the family into which one is borne should have reputation of its own in terms of its community stand or class status.

Sixthly, one should grow up in an ideal and progressive family and educational atmosphere in one’s childhood. The sentiments and the attachments found in the family setup would certainly impact the mentality of a child. Then, the process meant for human development should be appreciable and practicable. Imagine a person being imparted knowledge in a terrorist camp or hermitage. The knowledge acquired in the first setup is anti-social and the latter can’t equip one with useful skills to live competently in the contemporary society. So, one should obtain such knowledge which is accepted and is practicable in the times one belongs to.

Seventhly, one should have a good amount of intelligence or guidance provided by one’s parents or relatives or an external body. An intelligent person knows how to live understanding the past, present and future or one with many to be guided by finds one’s life delightful for one follows the path tested and approved by other people. Imagine the life of a person lacking both the assets.

Eighthly, one should be lucky enough to face many testing incidents and experiences which do not jeopardize one’s physical or psychological balance in the process. Imagine a person being dashed by a vehicle and dying on the spot and another person watching it as an outsider. The prior has no chance to learn a lesson from the incident and the latter has it. Then, imagine a girl that was immensely affected by abuse in her childhood and a girl that read much about these occurrences in the society from her childhood itself. The prior develops an anti-male attitude based on her childhood experiences and she can’t enjoy her latter life in a considerable way like those that were not subjected to such disorders of the family system or the society. On the other hand, the latter remains cautious while dealing with suspicious males throughout her life and tries to remain safe as far as she can manage.

Ninthly, one should get good siblings, relatives, friends and well-wishers. By good I mean those that behave normally. Normally siblings try to sacrifice many things among themselves for the happiness or comfort of the other, relatives help affectionately in times of adversity or discomfort, friends remain supportive and ideal in their thoughts and behavior toward the other and well-wishers expect nothing from us but would be ready to help us at any time.

Tenthly, one should have an open mind and strong body. When one is able to change one’s opinions according to the changing times or the need of the hour, one looks endearing to everybody. When one’s body is strong enough to withstand the effects of age and the impacts of the environment around, one can think and act a bit rationally and effectively.

The eleventh criterion is that one should have good habits from one’s childhood itself. Habits are the imposed practices upon oneself by oneself based on one’s objective or subjective understanding of the happy human life on earth. One with good habits may not become a great person but would certainly find one’s life delightful. Check the habits of the people around us and the level of happiness they are deriving from those patterns of living. One can easily understand the importance of habit formation by this simple observation. Habits form the base of one’s personality or character and it decides how one is received or perceived by the familiar or contemporary ones.

The twelfth point is that one should have a positive, moral and spiritual outlook toward one’s life and others. This makes one sensitive, refined and receptive in nature and one with such qualities would certainly learn a lot from others and it is enough for one to know how to live happily on one’s own.

The above discussion clearly shows one how difficult it is for one to remain happy always. Unless factors contribute, one can’t be happy. The moot point in this deliberation is that nobody knows who decides these factors for one. The spiritually oriented people say that one needs to explore within oneself to understand the mystery of one’s life. This demands a lot of practice on part of the individual concerned. Few follow this rough path. Majority like to take their lives as they come by and this is the reason why majority can’t be happy. Many things occur just by chance and they remain beyond the sphere of common sense and minimum rationality. Highly strategic, virtuous and disciplined people also can’t help facing unimaginable woes and challenges in their lives at times. So, the point is that anybody can put forward this question but nobody has an absolute answer to this. Human life is basically mysterious and chaotic. One can enjoy one’s life when one has this perspective in one’s attitude and the required vigor and challenge to seek joy from those oddities and novelties of one’s life.

Datla Chiranjeevi Raju

I AM A SHEEP

According to the ninth edition of The Concise Oxford Dictionary, ‘sheep’ also means ‘a bashful, defenseless, or easily-led person’. Bashful means ‘shy, diffident and self-conscious’. Generally we remember the poor animal when we hear this word. But there are many humans that exactly fit to the meaning of the word as I outlined in the first sentence of this account. I am frank enough to accept that I am a sheep. You do not readily agree with me if I simply assume myself as such. I try to explain my point.

The word ‘shy’: For the last twenty eight years I have been seeing a number of beautiful girls and women in the society around me, be it on roads, trains, buses, schools, offices, cinemas, auditoria and so on. I was impressed by their beauty and it means I have a feeling in me when I see something. This shows that I am a considerable human being because I have feelings. Even an animal does have feelings. What is the difference between it and me? The wise people say that ‘a human being expresses his feelings’. But I never expressed my feelings to any one of these symbols of living beauty around me for it looks ‘odd’. Who told that it seems to be ‘odd’; the bold ‘tradition’. Yea, tradition told me ‘you should not appreciate every human beauty in a bold and uncivilized manner. You have to study a lot about the character of the person and the circumstances she is involved in before taking that initiative. You would be considered to be a silly and shallow person if you appreciate everybody based on your intuition or impulse. This means you have to be smart and analytical. That means you have to be strategic”. This is how I remained dumb over the years. Dumbness is similar to shyness.

The word ‘diffident’: This word applies to such people who are not self-confident and assertive in their thought and behavior. In other words, one symbolizing this adjective looks complacent, reticent and modest. In my childhood, a beautiful girl attracted my heart and so became a part of me. I mean I thought she was mine and so I went dreamy and possessive about her. I began to send the positive signals from my side implying that she meant a lot to me. She too reciprocated the same. It could be for courtesy sake, if you like to think so. In the field of admiration, silly becomes serious in course of time. So, she too gradually went deep in admiration toward me. That means we fell in love, a nice word to hear and a hard one to experience in reality. Exchange of looks was going on, naturally. One day I knew that her marriage was fixed with some other male fellow. Because I am part of a society, which intends to see me as a good boy, I liked to be diffident in my thought and behavior. I lacked self-confidence to believe that she was really in love with me and so I could not dare meet her. I remained a modest and reticent boy, somebody that never dares to tread the untrodden path. Eventually, she married him and became his wife. What about my admiration for her? Yea, one can’t win other’s love when one remains traditional. Love belongs to humans. I was not a human being. I follow what others said and did. I try to be reserved and complacent to please the interests of the society. So, I am ‘diffident’.

The word ‘self-conscious’: One symbolizing this quality (adjective) mostly tries to remain in one’s own fears and thoughts in relation to the external and internal entities. By entities I mean both visible and invisible and both ‘self’ and ‘the other’. When I walk on the road, I mostly avoid looking into the faces of the beautiful girls and women. If I look at them they think that they are great and I am inferior to them. It is not the case with the moderate or ordinary ones. If we look at them, they don’t mind it for they take it as ‘common’. When I talk to the beautiful girls and women, I try to be very refined and elegant in my speech and mannerism for beauty is something one needs to deal with carefully or tactfully as per the known history of the society around us. Actually what I feel inwardly is “why can’t you accept me if I behave somewhat informally and amicably with you. Does it mean that I am superficial and inferior in my philosophy of life and attitude? You prefer ‘action’ from me and so I avoid ‘reality’ acting very smart with you”. In this way I am trying to be self-conscious. How should I behave to please them? What should not I do not to hurt them? How does the society consider it if I behave normally with them? What are the accepted ways of behavior while dealing with them? The more I pretend, the more I gain their acceptance or appreciation as a human being and so why should I follow the other way and invite the risk on my own? When I worry much about my safety as a person, I can’t be true in my behavior toward others and that is what I am doing; “acting well”. The society likes me as long as I remain so. They consider me ‘sensitive’ and ‘sensible’ as long as I am ‘self-conscious’. The very moment I deviate from this norm, I look ‘abnormal’ or ‘mystic’ or ‘crazy’ or ‘strange’ or ‘mad’ or ‘irrational’ or ‘shameless’ or ‘uncivilized’ to other ‘wise’ people of this society. That is how real feelings and expressions remain within the hearts of many. When we refine ourselves, we can see the bright facet of the human life on earth where we can be acceptably frank, admirably honest, considerably realistic and notably human. I do not think I can see such a society in my lifetime.

I am defenseless while I talk about these larger issues of the society and the broader perspectives of the human outlook toward the entities of the world. Eighty percent of the present population looks modern in appearance and lifestyles but not at heart and it is what hurts me as a person and observer of the trends of the society. I follow the path instructed or dictated by others for I am supposed to live peacefully accepting the irrational norms of the orthodox society around me. I have no choice to follow the path of definitions and refinements devised and desired by me as a thoughtful and visionary human being. Thus I remain an easily-led person, somebody that can’t help praising the lies proclaimed by the social heads, somebody that can’t question the untruth of a faith being blindly followed by many, somebody that tries to please others acting on a daily basis and somebody that tries to kill his distinct ‘self’ to be a part of ‘others’ that follow the ‘conventional’, which is against the ‘individualistic’.

Aren’t I a sheep?

Datla Chiranjeevi Raju

PERSPECTIVE

One day I was traveling by a bus to attend a bit of work in a city. It was thickly packed. Some were involved in chat, some in sightseeing, some in nap, some were simply waiting for their places to come to get off and I was observing this overall scenario. Meanwhile a beautiful girl stole the purse of a handsome male fellow. He noticed it and conveyed the same to the fellow travelers. A few of the fellows threw words at her condemning her act. She became depressed and began to cry slowly. The tears on the cheeks of the beauty hurt many. Yet nobody tried to console her for they missed words to do that in such a context. At last one fellow rose and went to her. He looked a bit posh and rich. He smoothly asked her, “You look beautiful and rich. Can I know why you stole the purse from his pocket? You do not seem to be a pickpocket for they attend such things dexterously. I am interested in your explanation”. She said, “I have been in love with a young fellow for five years. We always remained good friends maintaining our ethical limits of human conduct. The world liked to call us “lovers” and we could not change their mindsets. We eventually accepted to be identified with that tag for we knew what we are. Recently it was discovered that he is affected with blood cancer. The doctors told that they are uncertain about the length of his life. He is counting his days on the deathbed. I told him that I want to die with him. He told me not to. I always respected his words. He is a very silly fellow and that is what attracted me toward him. I asked him to seek some boon from me. He told me to steal a purse from the pocket of any male traveler. He knows that it is a tricky and risky act to be carried out by a girl like me. He remained funny even at the gate of the palace of death. I have ventured into this act to fulfill the desire of my beloved. The common perspective of the society is that pickpocketing is mostly a profession of males. A beautiful girl stealing a purse like this seems to be a strange and odd act to many in the society for it is a rare occurrence. I observed that many remained silent at my act. They liked my beauty and so failed to assess the content of wrongdoing in my act. Had it been an ugly male fellow, everybody would have dared to call the police to hand him over to. Beauty has much respect and value in this society. This is the reason why majority of the beautiful women in the world fail to understand the realities of human life in this world. Everybody tries to please them in some way. In this process they fail to discriminate between good and bad. This is the lesson I learnt from this act. This is what my beloved fellow expected me to learn. He always tells me, ‘Understand the basic human psyche and the accepted way of the social behavior. Never go against these two if you want a peaceful and comfortable life. And, mostly try to think and act against these two if you want to understand the essence of human life in a realistic sense. You can choose either way depending on your choices. Don’t follow both. It lands you in a dilemma wherein you fail to understand yourself. That makes your life restless and chaotic’. I am following the hard route. I am interested in understanding life rather than in making it comfortable remaining on the safe side like majority in the society. I am not going to give back this purse. I have to show it to my beloved”. Everybody remained silent, including the one that lost his purse. The perspective she has toward her life looked interesting and appreciable. The issue of purse looked negligible in this perspective. My dream ended at that.

Datla Chiranjeevi Raju