VISITING CARD

I travelled in a reservation coach of Janmabhoomi Express on 7 February, 2011, from Tuni to Secunderabad, from 8:00 to 7:30, during daytime. My seat in its D-1 coach was 103, a window seat. I was returning to Hyderabad finishing a few pending things in our area being there for five days. My paternal uncle Narasimha Murthy Raju decided to come to Hyderabad along with me to meet one of his familiar folks here. He decided so in the night of 6 February, 2011. I could not get a seat reserved for him due to this reason. I offered my window seat to him in Tuni. I kept standing beside the exit door up to Tenali railway station. I was feeling bored because there was not even one beauty around me to entertain and inspire my eyes of love for beauty. This train reached Vijayawada station by 11:40. A beauty came and sat in seat 102 at this station when a woman vacated it here. I felt relieved and elated scanning her beauty and refined manners. She must be 20. She wore a Punjabi dress. Her face was beautiful and cute. Her eyes and looks were arresting. I thanked God for sending such beauty into my transitory garden of admiration.

My uncle told me to sit in my seat when this train was nearing Guntur railway station. His idea was to relieve me to that extent because I was standing for him till then. He entered this coach with his general ticket. The TTE could not provide him with a seat as all seats were reserved by others in advance. From this station onwards, he kept standing and sitting beside the exit door near my seat up to Secunderabad station. He was doing a duty to satisfy me to that extent allowing me to sit in my seat of the day.

I was sitting opposite this inspiring beauty. Our respective seats 102 and 103 are window seats. She was listening to something from her cellphone, inserting an end of her headphone into her ear; perhaps stored film songs or FM radio songs. She is a tender, sensitive and natural beauty. I sensed that she does not feel much proud of her physical beauty. She was looking out of the window for a little time and resting closing her eyes for some time. I got a farmer beside me. He must be 56. He is from Mandapeta in East Godavari district. He was bringing his daughter and another familiar fellow to Hyderabad to consult a specialist doctor. I kept talking with him. I know about many places and activities in this area because I am familiar with this district. We enjoyed this casual interaction in this train journey. An admirer of beauty like me gets compelled to talk with an inspiring beauty sitting before him in a bus or train. I too was experiencing such feelings and notions of a desperate fellow during this period of train journey. God creates such beauties to attract, inspire and educate folks like me.

I believe that educated Indian girls are more egoistic and nonsensical than uneducated ones; more so if they are beautiful and modern. I felt that this girl also belongs to such lot of Indian girls. I was enjoying her presence opposite me but I was unable to finalize on how to initiate a talk with her. I encountered the following questions in this respect. Generally many folks feel the same in such context!

1. What if she is such kind of a girl who does not like to talk with unfamiliar folks at all?

2. What if she reacts rudely if I talk something with her out of my love for her beauty?

3. What might be her real nature? How can I detect it during this little time?

4. She leaves me soon. How can I talk with her during this little time somehow?

5. I am not looking well now. She must have developed a bad impression about me due to it!

6. There are other folks also beside her. Does not she suspect my nature if I talk with her only?

My primary idea was to give my visiting card to her on which my name, profession, email id, cellphone number and blog site id are printed. I know that I cannot earn a beautiful friend using that little period of time in a train journey because I am not such a magician in terms of attracting others. Others take time to develop an impression about us. They must know something about us to do it. We get attracted toward others in journeys as this but quite often we fail to attract their attention or earn their friendship utilizing such short periods of time. We miss them forever if we lose that chance. We love them for some reason. They may not like us for some reasons. An idealist and admirer of beauty suffers so when he comes across such beauties in journeys. I was afraid to talk with her.

Initially I created an atmosphere before her whereby she can understand that I am not an abnormal fellow. I talked with that farmer beside me about many things related to agriculture, villages, cities, hospitals, doctors and politics in the contemporary India. She was partly sensing those things sitting opposite me passively. Perhaps my idea was to let her know about me a little this way at least!

After about two hours of intense contemplation, when this train was nearing Piduguralla or Miryalaguda station, I ventured to talk with her. I gently asked her in Telugu, “Meeru blogs chadhuvuthaaraa?” which means “Do you read blogs?” in English. She could not hear my words. She replied, “Sorry”. I repeated those words gently again. She used her sensitive facial expression to say that she does not do it at all. I felt hurt. She did not ask me anything. I put her question out of interest in her. She answered it formally for courtesy sake! She did not develop interest in me after this question also! She maintained status quo. I felt disappointed with her passive and formal answer to my question, which I could deliver after a lot of internal struggle. I already took two of my visiting cards from my bag below and put them in my pocket. My idea was to give her a visiting card if she says that she reads blogs. I could not give it to her because she could not detect my admiration for her through my proactive question to her. I felt “I am missing you forever. We remain as two aliens as soon as we get off this train in Secunderabad. Our relationship is transitory. My admiration for you is deep but you discarded it as shallow one. A dreamer cannot attract others on his own when others treat him as a negligible bloke. Your beauty inspired me but I could not reach that message to you. I am sad about it. I am helpless”.

I would give 65 marks for her beauty for 100. I felt it. She did not receive that feeling from me. She blocked a channel of communication through her negligence and carelessness towards me against my notions of attraction and admiration for her. A beautiful rose cannot receive its due appreciation from its gardeners (parents, relatives and close friends of a living person in this context) but from its visitors and admirers, who appear as unfamiliar and unbelievable ones to it. It must allow them to express their hearts to it through their words of love and admiration for it. If it does not do it, they cannot admire and appreciate it, which it enjoys really. When it searches for them later, after realizing their worth, in their absence, it remains as a futile endeavor. Others can only pity it. This beauty is like a rose in a garden for me. Srijana is a rose in my garden. I love other roses also in other gardens just like a nature lover loves many phenomena and occurrences in this world. Admiration is enjoyable and sublime. Neglecting or discarding admiration from others is avoidable. She discarded my admiration for her. A rose neglected its sensitive visitor when he was near the garden. Common sense about Indian girls got activated in me.

I wrote my first book with admiration for beauties in this world. I don’t know if beauties read it or not. My books sleep in some bookstores depending on the marketing network of my publisher. They stay there for some time. They send back to my publisher after a set period of time. Then, he sends them back to me. I created those stories being inspired by a beauty, who did not talk with me, for courtesy sake. I got this book published to reach my sense of admiration for her and such other beauties. Did they receive it or not? Did they enjoy reading my stories? I cannot understand it unless they communicate with me by email, phone or letter. They don’t do it because they think it is not necessary or because they don’t have time to do all that. This is how folks like me die slowly in their psyches in this material and superficial world now. They may feel a lot in their hearts but they don’t reach it to the supposed ones.

I would have asked this beauty to read my blogs if she took my visiting card, extending that talk, which I initiated. She did not do it because she took me as a worthless bloke. Many run after shallow celebrities in India. These celebrities run after more money, fame and false prestige. So, they don’t have time to interact with these creatures. I run after beauties like an innocent dog. Dog need not mean a creature of lust and crime but an animal of loyalty, dependability and honesty. I am loyal to beauties. They can depend on my goodness. I would be honest with them. They cannot understand such sensitive and cultured dogs unless they allow them to express their hearts to them somehow. There are many dogs like me in this world. Beauties should allow such dogs to bark at them and express their sense of admiration for them. This beauty must have understood me as a dog of lust and crime, which may attack her then or later, if she sends positive signals towards it. I came across many such girls in my life. I regret it.

We got off this train at Secunderabad railway station around 8:00 p.m. IST. She went her way. I moved in my direction. She belonged to me in my heart when I was sitting before her in this train. I too must have belonged to her during that time but she did not reveal it. I felt it and tried to reach that feeling to her. She might have thought that it is not necessary. I lost her forever. She neglected me just like that.

Girls are insecure and unhappy in India now. I think it is the case in almost every nation in this world. This is why they are remaining within their familiar circles of relationships and communication. They cannot interact with unfamiliar fellows. They cannot deal well with aliens. They build walls around them depending on the impressions and notions they develop after understanding the nature of some folks around them. They treat all boys and men as unreliable and avoidable creatures. This is why they are not enjoying their lives and professions. They cannot enjoy familiarity with their relatives and colleagues like honest appreciation or admiration from others.

How can I talk with an unfamiliar beauty if she treats me like an avoidable dog? How can beauties be admired and worshipped in this world if they block their ways of admiration and support from their unfamiliar well-wishers and admirers? I know about some beauties, who like to live as costly prostitutes to earn money and fame rather than looking for honest and reliable admiration and support from many good folks around them. They do business with their beauty when they are young. They suffer a lot internally when others stop approaching them for their beauty. Their assets cannot keep them happy. They fail to recognize, earn and retain real admirers and well-wishers when they are young.

There are many beauties in this world. Very few of them come across me in my lifetime. I may not try to talk with them for some reasons. They don’t mind me at all for many reasons. They run after fake attractions and unreliable creatures. I run after them in my thoughts and imaginations. All beauties die one day. All admirers also die another day. Such beauties are blessed, who are admired and served by admirers. Such admirers are lucky, who are understood, respected and served by those beauties, whom they admire for many reasons. Unfortunately, this is not happening in this world now. I think it never happens. Roses are drying up and dying in gardens. Their admirers are crying and dying in deserts of depression, passivity and gloom over the years. How mysterious and miserable the creation of God is?

I should let others know about me. I should try a little for it at my personal level if I love some people around me for some reasons. I tried to do it with this girl. She did not receive it. I could not succeed in it. She created an impression in me through her careless behavior towards me that day. My understanding about girls and women in this world gets affected to some extent being influenced by the nature and treatment of girls as this one. She did not intend to hurt me that way but I understand it like that. She was honest in her treatment towards me but I did not like it because I expected something different from it. What if she acted a little to satisfy me and took my visiting card? What if she threw that card later? Do we love honest ones or liars? Understanding human beings is very difficult at one go!

Insights

1. Believe that many are interested in you. You may not be good at attracting others to make your life beautiful but don’t miss such ones also who are coming your way on their own to beautify and delight your life. God creates many chances around you. You must utilize them. Nature delivers many fruits and flowers for you. You should go there and pick them. Enthusiasm and dynamism must be your assets.

2. If somebody is putting a question to you proactively, it does not mean that he is trying to test your general knowledge. He is interested in you. Extend that conversation and receive his words first. You may accept or reject him later, as a friend or otherwise. First you should allow him to express his heart. All are not running after you for marriage or love only. There are other kinds of people also, who enjoy your presence or character for some reasons. Do not miss them. Each of them is different from those you knew already. Your life won’t be thrilling and beautiful unless you are liberal and sociable. You should open the doors and windows of your psyche to let fresh air in. We all like surprises and mysteries more than history. This is why we are enjoying seeing films, listening to songs and reading books. Such mysteries and surprises may happen in your life also now and then. You must be capable and willing to deserve and delight in them. If you want to savor the joy of those occurrences in your life, you should not remain passive and dull. Closed doors do not allow fresh air and fragrance in.

3. Others may like something in you which you or your familiar ones did not like till now. Hope that many are there to love and appreciate you one day, even if many neglected and discarded you till now. If you check the lives of many admirable celebrities and achievers in this world, you would realize that “Achievements take time. Reliable admiration starts late and flows from others slowly. You must live decently and patiently to be admired and appreciated by others. First assess whether you are doing it at your level or not; living greatly”.

4. Intense attraction between opposite genders is a universal phenomenon. You need not worry about this characteristic in you. God or nature made us this way to keep this world beautiful and vibrant with our active presence and passionate actions in it. Attraction means intuitive madness for something or somebody within or beyond our access. Love those within your reach. Dream of those beyond your accessibility. Both are good for your body and mind. You should not assess the worth of all relationships from the standpoints of money, recognition and fame. There are other better things also but you are not trying to explore and enjoy them. It is your mistake, not that of others around you. If your boyfriend is bad, love the characters and lifestyles of the boyfriends of others around you. You should know how to beautify and strengthen your thoughts and vision investing very little money and a lot of imaginations and dreams. Inspiring imaginations and blissful dreams cost you a little. You can relax depending on them when many things and persons are bad and unreliable around you. Searching for the best is your duty. You must do it on your own always. Others have their burdens to handle. Don’t delegate these duties of your life to them. It means allowing others to create a hell for you. Be sensible to that extent!

5. We seek more happiness from those things, which are unreliable and inaccessible to us than those reliable and accessible for us. This is typical human tendency. We can be happier and comfortable at our level if we start recognizing the worth of accessible ones also now and then.

6. Rain does not occur when we want it. So, we must enjoy it when it falls as per its schedule. You might have missed a lot earlier due to your negligence or foolishness. Still there is time to reform yourself and improve the course of your life. Your interests and preferences are different. You must know how to satisfy them and be happy always, without disturbing others on the way. God gave you brain to guide you always. Use it always; not only for a few times in your lifetime.

7. There is much difference between theory and practice. My love for beauties is theory. How I am dealing with them in reality is practice. We cannot satisfy all our desires through practice always. Sometimes we must stop at theory level only. All humans are brutes in terms of their sexual tendencies and desires. We are living happily because 80% of the people around us are not putting this theory into practice in their lives to satisfy themselves. This is why we are not seeing dogs and bitches only in this world but dependable human beings also. Theories are standards you set for yourself. They develop you into an individual. If you practice bad theories, good folks recognize you as a dog or bitch. What you think and do decide what you are and how others treat you. You are your builder. Real estate companies build houses only for us, not our characters and psyches. It is our duty. Let us decide them and build them greatly. Great things happen slowly but last longer. This is universal truth.

8. Getting certificates, doing jobs and earning money is the work of a machine. There are many machines in this world now. Machines cannot enjoy their lives because they are born for work and money only but not for real happiness and achievements. You should decide whether you want to live and die as a machine or an achiever. Achievers do not spoil their lives or those of others. They utilize their time and energy to improve themselves always and help others on the way. They too die like us in time but they die after living differently from other contemporary shallow fellows. That admirable difference is the attraction of their characters. We should understand that difference and try to practice it at our level to be loved and admired by others. Shallow fellows love you crazily. Great folks love you logically.

I could not give my visiting card to her. Did she lose something or I?

I think I failed to earn a beautiful reader and friend. She failed to venture into novel frontiers of her life.

Sometimes, we miss some things just like that.

We must learn lessons, gain insights and improve our lives reforming ourselves continuously. Otherwise, there won’t be interesting pages in the books of our lives. Let’s realize this bitter truth and write them accordingly.