Deepthi: Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day?
I: No. I love others celebrating it but I did not find such girls, who want me to love them this way.
Deepthi: What is love for you?
I: It is intense psychic attachment with somebody or something, for some time or long, happening within or beyond logic, when observed by outsiders as unbiased idealists and thinkers.
Deepthi: Folks of orthodoxy do not encourage love and lovers in their societies. Why?
I: They choose to live according to their tradition and culture. They think love is against those beliefs and principles. They think that youth don’t know how to build up their lives and careers in the right way. Time changes many creatures and things around us. They are also changing slowly across the world.
Deepthi: In English dictionaries, love means sex also. Can’t we think of love beyond sex?
I: Sex means love expressed through lust related to our material bodies. I think the feelings of sex and attraction motivate boys and girls and men and women toward falling in love with others in different circumstances. We can enjoy sex when we are young. As our relationship with others develops into further levels of mutual understanding and admiration, we start according much importance to our love for others than sex with them. Sex may be a little part of love but love does not mean sex for me. Unfortunately, many are understanding love as sex now. One has to approach a prostitute when one wants to have sex with a female. Similarly, women must also be allowed to enjoy such kind of life in every society. Sex is an inevitable bodily instinct but it should be controlled when we are living in a civilized and cultured society. Culture means doing things without disturbing the interests and choices of others. It is imposing some restrictions upon us to accord liberty and related happiness to others also. Sex is an animal instinct meant for reproduction and related pleasure for a few minutes. Love is a human trait needed to make and keep a society bearable, orderly and admirable for long.
Deepthi: How should we express our love to others?
I: We should do it studying the tendencies of the other creature and circumstances around us in a given period of time. Sensitive people often fail to express their love to others. Some do not know how to reach their sense of rejection to the proposals of love from others. Such boys and girls neglect others altogether. It is not good. Many lovers want some kind of response from the other. Silence is crime.
Deepthi: Many perverted blokes are attacking girls in India now in the name of love. Can we avoid it?
I: We can avoid it when girls and women speak lovingly with unfamiliar boys and men also in our nation. Many crave for the friendship of some girl or woman, when they are growing as human beings. It happens because opposite genders feel attracted to each other. Girls and women are rigid and unkind in many parts of India even now in understanding and behaving toward males around them at home, office or other places of interaction. When a fellow talks something with them, they remain silent and go way. They think that such blokes are worthless rogues. They can say something softly with them and make them relieved to that extent instead of neglecting or ignoring them altogether. If 100 boys are following a girl, let them follow her. She can make all of them into her batch of direct lovers or indirect admirers. Thus she can enjoy her life. When she gets ready to marry one of them or somebody else later, the remaining blokes distance themselves from her slowly. Love means ideal selfishness. They leave her when they realize that she cannot love and marry all of them. Some Indian parents are still considering their daughters as highly dependent and innocent creatures at many levels. They are blocking their channels of liberal communication and relationship with boys thinking that it may lead to immoral sex between them. They should explain their daughters the difference between accepted modes of sex and avoidable forms of sex in Indian society based on their culture, if they got any at all. Choice to have morally appreciable or avoidable sex with others must be left to girls and boys. Some girls may have many male friends but they do not think and enjoy that relationship in terms of sex. They intuitively feel like sharing that aspect of their life with their life partner only after marriage. The same is the case with boys also. We cannot detect and control the thoughts and behavior of boys and girls always. So, what we can do is to stop discussing much about love and sex at home or outside. Let anything happen naturally. They realize what is right and wrong in course of time because they got brains and conscience. Girls became very selfish and narrow-minded now in comparison to boys. They are acting in their lives more than necessary. Those boys, who expect something from girls, but fail to receive any kind of feedback from them, for a long time, resort to cruel ways of retaliation against such girls. Boys change only when girls change in every part of India. Above all, parents must educate their children, from their early childhood, regarding refined and sensitive ways of conduct with others. It is not happening in India now. When parents fail in upbringing their children well, a society can’t be good for all to live happily. Girls must take such precautionary measures from unreliable boys, which do not look apparent and insulting to others. Girls are always a vulnerable lot in comparison to boys. Girls must remember this reality when enjoying their liberty in unfamiliar places with known and unknown people. We cannot predict when a man assaults a woman, being compelled by his instincts of attraction and sex for the other. So, girls and women must be brave and prepared enough to face anything, when they are at home or outside. All human beings have animal instincts in them, including me. When they fail to control them, they cannot live as good human beings. So, being alert is important than being insensitive towards boys and men of all kinds always. Encouraging the best ones and discouraging the bad ones is also necessary. Girls can do it making boys and men understand it indirectly. But, unfortunately, girls and women are running after money and other attractions, associated with boys and men, now, rather than their admirable qualities. So, such bad girls and women are indirectly villains to many sensitive and good girls and women around them. They are getting victimized by such rogues and scoundrels, who are prepared and encouraged by immoral and money-minded girls and women. To change and improve the mindsets of another race, you must improve the standards and values of your race first. It is not happening in India now.
Deepthi: Is not falling in love with many wrong? Is such love acceptable and enjoyable?
I: We bring another puppy into our house when we lose one because we love puppies basically, not that particular puppy only, except in very exceptional cases. Our memories about the first puppy do not die even if we bring another puppy into our house because generally first love has a kind of uniqueness in our lives. We keep bringing puppy after puppy into our house as long as we love puppies because one puppy does not live for 100 years in our house. Similarly, many love girl after girl or many girls at a time because they are essentially in love with girls, not one particular girl. Very few love and remain with the thoughts and memories of one boy or girl. It is hurting themselves to some extent. Memories, related to our deepest love with somebody, who went away from us, or died, torture us every day. To avoid it, we must love or admire another girl, when the first one disappeared from our life. Since we must make our life bearable and delightful, using the resources available to us, we must start falling in love with Rita when Gita moves out of our mind of attachment, beliefs, imaginations and dreams. Nothing is permanent in this material world, including those whom we love deeply. Those, who do not like to love many, must fall in love with sun, sea, moon and nature, instead of girls and women. Human beings are unreliable because they cannot control their thoughts and actions always. So, falling in love with only one creature and remaining with that one only forever is ideal and admirable but it does not happen in many cases.
Deepthi: Is it not wrong to associate love with beauty always! Love can happen without beauty.
I: Beauty attracts many immediately. Many love beauties though all of them do not express their sense of love and admiration to them being scared of the circumstances and society around them. Many love Aiswarya Rai because they think that she is beautiful but they don’t ask her to marry them since they know that Abhishek Bachchan is her destined husband in this birth of hers. Society makes them so. Ram Gopal Varma loves Sridevi but he did not kidnap her from the house of Boney Kapoor. He knows that it is not right on his part to kidnap a married woman. Our culture keeps us so. I observed many folks interestingly looking at my wife Srijana when I was beside her also. They must be taking me as a worthless bloke or her honorary bodyguard! I understand typical Indian mentality and leave them. If I feel very possessive of her, I should quarrel with them and stab them to death before moving to a prison. In a civilized society, no beauty can be loved and admired by her life partner only. Husband is like a licensed dude to own and delight in her company and physical sense. Every beauty would have many secret admirers beyond her interests, choices and knowledge. Beauty attracts us. Later we name it ‘love’. Akkineni Nagarjuna struggled a lot to make Amala fall in love with him once. Now he left her to spend most of her time with animals and birds. He is dancing with heroines for his films. Love declines in course of time as Ram Charan Tej argues in his Telugu film “Orange”. Beauty attracts us intensely when we see it for the first time. We stop finding it much interesting and exciting when we get it and start living with it. So, I think that beauty and love have such relationship. Everybody cannot love and/or marry a beauty. So, many adjust with considerable and negligible ones also but they don’t stop admiring beauties around them. Our sensitive love turns into admiration when we cannot get what we love despite our efforts. If 1000 extraordinary beauties issue a public notice, expressing their interest to marry 1000 folks, choosing them by a lottery, to avoid court cases and such other complications, can you imagine how many folks apply to them? If an ordinary woman, with extraordinary qualities, with a little physical beauty, does so, very few apply to her. Somehow men are crazy and possessive of arresting female beauty rather than other attractions in this world. Many millionaires, billionaires and celebrities are spending billions of rupees, across the world, to spend with beauties. This is why prostitution is that rampant in this world. This is why many blokes are often flying to Bangkok from India on the pretext of film shootings and tourist interest. Where beauty is available for a price, there we find millions of boys and men, craving to enjoy those pleasures of body. This is applicable to girls and women also. Since male prostitution did not spread much till now in this world, this race is unlucky to that extent. Innocent and helpless girls or women must not be thrown into prostitution in any part of the world but if conscious and intelligent ones want to take it as their profession, like banking and computers, let them choose it. I think it is also a kind of social service when done voluntarily by them. They can stop some brutes from spoiling the beauty and quality of mainstream sensitive and refined societies to that extent. From this perspective, I think, love and beauty have a strong relationship across the world in all ages. Many fought and died for beauties in the past. Now we are craving for the looks of really beautiful actresses in the film industry and otherwise.
Deepthi: Why are conservative societies against love, lovers and love marriages?
I: People in conservative societies are essentially mad, immoral, irrational and illogical ones. I know about many rogues, who have immoral bodily relationships with many girls and women, despite having beautiful wives in their homes. They talk about virtues in public places but their assistants arrange prostitutes for them. Rich people go for costly prostitutes. Ordinary blokes in villages, towns and cities resort to their familiar ones in their localities and communities. It means Indians are great hypocrites. They want marriage for formality and tradition sake and then sleep with any number of men or women after marriage. This is what is happening in India now. This is why condoms and other birth control measures are highly being encouraged and used in India now. It means majority Indians are immoral and unreliable in terms of their characters and collective culture, though they project themselves greatly outside. Such nasty and dirty Indians, who belong to our traditional aspect of Indian culture, have no moral rights to talk or do anything against love, lovers and love marriages in India. Honor killings reflect the horrible facet of Indian culture now. It is a big social crime. Such rogues of our conservative societies must be hanged publicly by our governments. If they don’t do it, youngsters must kill them publicly or secretly. Immoral dogs and bitches should not teach lessons of morality to us, even if they happen to be in our families and familiar societies. We must suppress or kill these silent villains in our society. Let a sage, who lived a morally and spiritually appreciable life, teach morals to us. Unfortunately, many politicians and celebrities, who think and behave worse than dogs and bitches in their personal and professional lives, are talking about morals now in India. We must kill them first to reform India because they do not change to our expectations. Then only good lovers can marry the girls of their choice, marry them easily, and live with them in whatever way they want. Until such rogues are killed or reformed in India, good lovers cannot live happily in India. We must have good character to be loved by others. We must search for such folks, love them and marry them if we really want to see our married lives as bearable and enjoyable. We should not love a girl or a boy for formality or fashion sake. Unfortunately, this is what is happening in our colleges, universities and offices now. For many youth, love is a decent way for sex or such transitory bodily pleasures rather than long-term goals and happiness. A few rogues are tarnishing the image of lovers and love marriages in India. So, even good people of conservative societies, are not accepting love marriages to take place in their families or societies. Youth must develop into good individuals first to change their elders at home. We must reform ourselves before pointing out mistakes in others. I am not happy with the mindsets, culture and trends of 80% of Indian youth now. I am 33. If they could not attract even me with their lifestyles and attitudes, how can they attract our elders? They lived better lives than us folks in our recent and distant past. So, they don’t allow their children to get spoilt or carried away in the network of unreliable love and marriages. However, about 30% of the present Indian marriages are love marriages. Change is in progress. Money and other attractions of the other creature are guiding these love marriages among Indian youth more than their characters and culture. If we marry idiots, being misguided by their tricks and tactics now, we get cheated one day and suffer silently. So, every boy and girl must check the character of the other person before indulging in love or marriage. One, who is looking good now, may become bad tomorrow. Then we can term it as our Karma. Choosing the best one today is important. What happens tomorrow may be left to our fate and time. Lovers should understand these notions and build their lives accordingly.
Deepthi: What is the best way to find, attract, retain, love, marry and live with a great fellow?
I: The best person knows how to do it. So, you should first know what you think to be the best according to your logic and intelligence levels. Then you should find the best one using your hard work and vision. Do not delegate this responsibility to your parents, siblings or others. They don’t love your life as you love it. For them, it may be a formality but for you it is a great duty. You are the best person to think and decide what the best is for you. If you think that you are not that intelligent and patient enough to do all these things; don’t expect the best one to come into your life. Leave your life to chance. The best things may happen in your life only if you are the best person and struggle to do the best for you always. You need to do it every day in your life, not for a few weeks or months.
Deepthi: Did girls and women grow as individuals in India now in comparison to the recent past?
I: I think that 80% of Indian girls and women did not grow as individuals even now. They are more interested in beautifying themselves with cosmetic surgeries, fairness creams, lotions, facelifts, clothes and such other worthless lifestyle changes rather than improving their levels of knowledge and intelligence reading books, touring places, interacting with great people, helping their parents at home and improving their understanding of the world doing such many constructive and useful things. My wife Srijana went to a nearby beauty parlor twice or so till now in my knowledge to beautify her eyebrows. It means that she does not have self-confidence about her beauty. She is suffering from a kind of inferiority complex. There are many useful books in my abode, including English dictionaries. She never felt an intuition to read them and improve her standard of thoughts and ideas about her life and others around them. Internally I consider her as a “worthless idiot in many respects” because she stopped growing as an individual years ago. She has the knowledge and psychic growth of a schoolgirl only even now. Her physical beauty is only her asset, on which she cannot depend for long. She does not have confidence about that beauty also. She has about 30 saris. I have five or six pairs of clothes only. Indian girls and women, both educated and uneducated, both rich and poor, are still more interested in gold and their physical appearance, than their psychic growth and measures to achieve it at their level. Srijana is a typical educated modern Indian girl. Since she adhered to Indian tradition, she married me listening to the words of her parents. Since I always try to guide her, using my intelligence and vision for her, she is saved to that extent. Instead of depending on me for guidance, she should advise and challenge me with her intelligence and vision. It happens only when she starts growing as an individual. She is doing almost nothing to achieve it now. I am uncertain about future. When you fail to improve your life, you need to depend on God and others. They may not help you always. It means you are making your life risky and vulnerable without doing anything when you got time and opportunities to grow at your level. On the other hand, boys and men don’t concentrate much on their physical appearance. Men are driving lorries, trains, ships, aeroplanes and doing many such other hard jobs even now in India. Men are greater than women in many respects in India. Many Indian girls and women still identify themselves as objects of beauty and sex only. You can observe this trend more in films and politics. Why should an educated beauty get ready to sleep with any dog for chances to act in films directed and produced by bastards?
Deepthi: At one level, you love beauties, and, at another level, you criticize them severely!
I: I respect every girl and woman, who is hard-working, honest and reliable. I love a girl if she spends 100 rupees for her beautification and 900 rupees for improving her life now or minding her future, when she is earning 1000 rupees every month doing something appreciable depending on her present abilities. What if a girl spends 900 rupees for her clothes and creams every month, when her father gives her 1000 rupees for her pocket money when she is going to a school, college or university? It means she is a shallow parasite. She is misusing her father’s money to beautify herself. It means she is suffering from inferiority complex. It means she is not trying to improve her skills of earning and struggle for existence when she is being supported by her father but misusing her time and energy to beautify herself, by which she cannot attract others for long. Almost every girl, who is coming across me some way, belongs to this lot now, when I observe her thoughts and lifestyle. They are going to colleges to get a highly-earning husband but not to enrich their knowledge and power of self-reliance. Many female software engineers, across India and abroad, are suffering from a sense of false prestige and excess ego now. They do projects of many levels for their clients in their offices but they cannot bravely talk with an unfamiliar fellow on a road. They are scared of strangers. It means they stopped growing to that extent. They love animals more than men around them because they stopped growing to that level. They spend a lot of money for cellphones, films, cosmetics, clothes and pubs but not for good ways of living and understanding others. Our money and assets do not help and guide us always but the character and identity we develop for ourselves investing our thoughts and efforts. Many highly educated, rich and intelligent girls and women are also thinking and behaving like worthless and shallow creatures now. I am observing such culture almost everywhere now. I don’t love such girls and women. I just appreciate their beauty because I don’t lose anything doing it. If a beauty dies in a road accident, I feel internally “Check how she grew up and why she died?” but not “Which rogue caused it and how unlucky she is!” Others don’t build up the character of a beauty but she. If she fails to do it in time, she fails in her life at some stage or dies in pitiable conditions leaving a sad story behind her. Beauties without characters attract me as an admirer of beauty but not as an individual. I love the surface of the moon as long as I don’t know about the phenomena of drawbacks and demerits in it. An admirer of beauty like me is like a sensible and kind hunter in a forest. He runs after beauties one after one, appreciating their beauty but not worrying about their lives ahead in that mysterious and dangerous forest. He expects them to think and work for themselves. He advises and guides them only when they seek his advice and guidance. He does not interfere in their lucky or unlucky lives without invitation. A beauty should not spoil her life being misguided by the admiration of many folks like me in this corrupt and unreliable society. Her primary responsibility is to grow as an admirable creature and enjoy the appreciation of others on the way but not considering the praise of others as her only asset in this material world. Beauty fades when we are growing. We cannot depend on it for long. Our intelligence, hard work and vision guide us until we die. We must develop and depend on them if we are really sensible to some extent. I love such girls and women. We love actresses on screen but achievers in real life. Virtues are stronger than our assets.
Deepthi: The folks of Bajrang Dal are arranging marriages for love related folks in public places.
I: They still think that Indian culture is better than love and marriages among many worthless Indian youth. They don’t do it when Indian youth grow as individuals first. Our admirable characters must change others silently but not our loud slogans, colorful placards and trivial demonstrations on streets.
Deepthi: I love you.
Deepthi is my friend and honorary adviser. She met me today in a lovers’ park in Hyderabad. She is active in interviewing me but lazy in posting it somewhere for others to read it. I did it for you here. I don’t mind if you take it as a piece of fiction discussing love, lovers, youth and marriage in contemporary India on the occasion of this Valentine’s Day. You are at liberty to apply your imaginations just like me!