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Dear God,
My life has been a series of issues
but I would write about only eight of them. I don’t like to disturb your peace
of mind with my elaborate story of pains and distress.
1. I was born ugly. My parents,
relatives and everybody else considered me as an untouchable entity in course
of time. I could not tolerate that revulsion and indifference from them. I
started living as an orphan. I could not believe in anybody thereafter because
my own creatures hated my presence. Why did you give me such beginning?
2. I continued living as a beggar at
famous Hindu temples. I wondered observing the attitudes of devotees. They used
to come in rich clothes and offer a lot of money and ornaments to God knowing
that God does not take any of them. They never bothered about my ugly clothes
or my everlasting poverty as a beggar. Even if your devotees have such low
standards of thinking, who can help and save destitute creatures like me?
3. Knowing that English was being
admired by millions of people in India, I picked reading material from many
dustbins and improved my English skills. I read many great books and gained
immense knowledge on various aspects and phenomena in this world. I felt like
sharing all that invaluable knowledge with as many people as possible to awake
and educate them. No school allowed me to work as a teacher. Few had interest
in learning what I said. They were not interested in the power and purity of
knowledge but on the look of the person delivering it. Nobody treated me as an
intelligent person because I had no certificates or attractive look. Why?
4. A very beautiful and sensitive
orphan loved me when I was crossing 30. I felt so possessive of her that she
appeared like a Goddess to me. She died within 40 days of my association with
her with cancer. I had no money to save her taking her to a hospital. I allowed
her to die slowly due to my poverty and helplessness. Those memories are still
haunting me. Part of the reason for my decision to die now is to get rid of
those chasing memories.
5. I moved from place to place as a
ticketless passenger in trains to understand human life better. Everywhere I
observed selfishness and carelessness in millions of people. They were all
great actors and actresses in their lives. Very few of them were living
honestly, with real fear of God and sin. They had no individuality of their
own. They were playing different roles to satisfy or bother others directly or
indirectly. They were all absolute sinners.
6. I fell in love with nature for
some time. I spent in a deep forest observing the lifestyles of a few tribes,
animals and birds. Strong and intelligent heads of those tribes were cheating
others. I observed the same phenomenon in animals and birds also. Most of them
were living killing other creatures for their survival. I hated that
environment.
7. I desired to meditate God and
attain salvation after listening to the great words of a yogi. He said that
this life is a shadow of my soul and so to forget about the comforts of the
body and focus on the spiritual journey of my soul. I practiced meditation for
some months sitting alone in a closed cave but my body got weakened slowly in
this process. I stopped meditating. I concentrated on the energy of my body for
survival. I had no control on my mind.
8. I spent about four years
exclusively thinking about Karma of every creature. It is our asset. It chases
us regularly. Our comforts and sadness are a result of our Karma. Still, we can
face it and partly change it with strong will and virtues. I led my life
patiently for all these years, despite many tragic turns in it. I lost that
patience now. I want to end this life now and clear the burden of all these
sins in my next birth. I am dying as a sage, not as an orphan.
Lord Krishna read this letter
patiently. He wrote the following reply letter to him within a day.
1. You worried about your ugliness.
There are thousands of exceptionally beautiful creatures and phenomena in this
universe. Some are seen by others and appreciated but they cannot understand
that language of communication. They continue to live not fearing criticism or
expecting appreciation from others. None of them ever thinks of their features
or qualities. They never commit suicide like humans. They do not depend on
others. They face heat, rain and cold of the nature without complaining to me
at all. You got more intelligence and power than them to live happily among
different oddities and challenges. Still why are you angry with me?
2. Ninety percent of my devotees act
formal roles only. They think that they can cheat me through their gimmicks.
They wear colorful clothes, get their heads tonsured for me, offer various
amounts of money and gifts to satisfy me artificially. I observe their thoughts
and lifestyles and laugh within myself regularly. Accepting money and little
gifts from them, as a beggar, you committed more sins. They offered immoral and
illegal money to you. So, you shared part of their sins, living based on the
alms of those sinners. Instead of sitting at temples for food, you should have
gone to government hospitals and schools. You can see many poor people there.
You must have begged money and other things from them for your survival. Most
of them refuse to offer you anything. If some of them are offering something to
you voluntarily or after understanding your tragic life, it is morally and
legally acceptable substance from them. They live more honestly than my
colorful and attractive devotees at temples. Most of them never visit a temple.
They neither have time nor resources to visit my artificial abodes of show,
established by selfish and manipulative man. You must accept donation from the
poorest of the poor only to understand me better in this material world but you
chose temples to live lazily and comfortably. You lived shamelessly.
3. You learnt English and gained
immense knowledge on various aspects of life and phenomena in this world but
you failed to realize that knowledge is the least wanted item to materialists.
They crave those things, which make their lives more and more sad,
uncomfortable and sinful because it is their Karma. It does not allow them to
seek and utilize easily accessible and comprehensible knowledge. You did not
realize that you cannot change anybody teaching them about virtues. There are
scriptures and saints in every age in some form or the other. In fact, I lived
among them as an ordinary human being for many years. Even then, many of them
neglected me because I was easily accessible to them. They run after futile
dreams and endless fancies, not benefitting from vast resources of knowledge
and directions to the path of salvation around them. They think that knowledge
is useless. They are deeply attracted towards money, material assets, physical
comforts and impossible ideas. You should not distribute knowledge freely to
anybody because they consider it as valueless. Instead, you should have spent
your life silently without bothering about educating others. You should have
thought more about yourself than others. You are responsible for your destiny.
Struggle to understand it. Strive to change your course of journey. You are
coming alone into this world. You will leave this abode of shadows all alone.
It means you are one. Change yourself first.
4. Everybody falls in love and
admiration with somebody or something in this world. She died earlier than you
because it was her schedule of spiritual journey. You were just a nominal role
player in her series of different lifetimes and related experiences. She consoled
you for some time as your beloved because you played similar role in her
previous lifetime. She paid back that borrowed sense of love and care to you in
this lifetime to clear her balance of attachments and burden. Dying early, she
did not allow you to attach more to the account of her soul. She is relieved to
that extent. You are still suffering recollecting those memories related to her
because it is part of your Karma. You must realize that nothing is reliable in
this world. Everything is transient. To provide you with that experience only,
she spent with you for some time. It means she was the best teacher in your
life. I teach my creatures in different ways but most of them fail to benefit
from those lessons. They foolishly go to schools, colleges and universities
thinking that there is extraordinary knowledge there from which they can gain a
lot. It shows that they are devising more plans and policies to further spoil
their thoughts and actions. If every educated person becomes great in this
world, what is the need of temples? They know what is good or bad? Why are they
committing sins and crimes despite being scholars and scientists! They
indirectly teach you that they cheat themselves playing all those attractive
roles out of their egos. Death is inevitable. Bear with this reality.
5. Sun shines brightly in the sky
according to his scheduled duty by me. Moon is also a source of light and
happiness at night. They are doing their duties. Similarly humans also take
births in this world to do their duties. Before criticizing others, you must
have realized that you were also a big actor in this world. You continued to
live without bothering about many unfortunate creatures around you. There were
men and women with various physical and mental impairments and limitations.
There were thousands of animals and birds suffering with various diseases,
accidents and struggle for existence in highly testing environments. You never
subjected yourself to that set of difficulties and pain to understand life
better but chose such ways and means which keep you unaffected. You took this form
of life only because you are a sinner. You will take many lifetimes ahead
because you learnt very little in this lifetime though I gave you a great
opportunity this way. If you criticize or hurt somebody or something else, you
will take that burden on to your soul. It means you are committing more sins
unnecessarily indulging in the spiritual journeys of other sinful creatures.
Great saints never come to you. You should struggle a lot to know about them.
They don’t pity you even if you approach them after years of search and repentance
because they are focused on their salvation. They took life only because they
did not yet get salvation. When they have no time to clear their spiritual burden,
how can they spend time for you? Don’t depend on others. Your Karma decides
whom you should meet and how you should progress in your spiritual journey.
Pray me honestly. I help you reach me fast. I don’t like or dislike anybody. I
simply see how you are all playing your destined roles. My actual help is very
little because I cannot erase your Karma from the account of your soul. Reform
yourself.
6. Man is an intelligent creature
compared to other creatures in my universe. There is no much difference between
man and other creatures. Man often thinks that he can control everything around
him. He seeks pleasure beating dogs, hunting beasts and exploiting helpless
fellow humans. He has to pay for every sin he commits, sooner or later. Nature
keeps you happy if you have to get that experience according to your Karma. The
same nature impairs or kills you if you are destined to it. Scientists think of
collecting and storing electricity from lightning. Cattle keepers and other
innocent ones run to the shelter of trees when it is raining heavily. Some of
them die due to thunderbolts falling on those trees. Lightning is the same with
unique qualities. Scientists see it as a source of electricity. Laymen die due
to it as part of their Karma. Nature serves you based on what you deserve but
not what you desire from it. It is part of my drama. It is also playing a
nominal role based on my instructions. Never criticize nature for what you lost
because of it. It helps you live your Karma, nothing more than that. Man is
killing fellow human beings for his pleasure or ego. Animals kill fellow
animals for their survival. Which is better?
7. You can dream of anything because
I equipped you with such faculty of thinking and imaginations but you can do
only that which your soul is capable of. Rich people have millions of rupees
and uncountable assets but how many of them are morally strong and happy? They
know about their crimes and sins. On the other hand, many orphans and beggars
are living patiently and happily for long despite the fact that nobody wants
them in this world. A beggar learns more from his lifetime and lessens the
burden of his soul than rich and comfortable people in this world. If you are
facing more difficulties and pain continuously, it means your soul is
progressing faster towards realization of self and salvation than others. I
make you realize me through subjecting you to hardships, tragedies and sorrow.
So, ask me to give you more difficulties and pain to understand me early and
reach me fast. If you want to be comfortable and happy like all those rich and
luxurious people around you, you have to wait thousands of years to understand
and reach me. Take what is given to you. If you want and struggle for more, you
will suffer later.
8. Understand that even sages have
no authority to end their lives voluntarily. Your extensive knowledge or
experience as a saint does not authorize you to abruptly close your destined
spiritual journey. Such souls suffer without getting a chance to take another
lifetime early. Suicide is a big spiritual crime. Both your birth and death
should happen naturally, according to the account of your soul. Committing
suicides, many enter another long path of difficulties and pain in a series of
extended lifetimes. I cannot save such souls from that additional burden of
lifetimes. How you are born, live and die depend on the journey of your soul.
Body should not take decision about the path of soul. You should regulate your
thoughts accordingly based on your knowledge about your lifetime gained through
my direct and indirect instructions to you regularly in this world in various
ways and forms. Hope you understood the message of my clarifications to you.
Remember that spiritual knowledge is such, which cannot be explained completely
through words of material world. Your soul is the right learner and teacher to
you. Many things happen in this universe, which are incomprehensible and intangible
to ordinary human beings.
Jemin read this reply from Lord
Krishna and decided to continue his life. He withdrew from the idea of suicide.
